It was early afternoon. Tina had found out from Alice that Bette was at work, and so drove herself to the house that they once shared. Her hand shook as she put her key in the lock. It was the first time she’d been back there since that night, and she still wasn’t sure if she was ready. The day swung open and the first thing she noticed was how eerily empty the house seemed. It wasn’t that Bette wasn’t there, she’d often not been there when Tina had been, it was that there were just no signs of happiness. Dead flowers hung limply out of the vase on the side. A pile of washing up had built up in the sink. Judging by the fact that there was only one person living in the house, it had clearly been there for several days. There were no little post-it notes asking each other to do things. The light on the answer phone wasn’t flashing with a quick message to say “I’ll be late” or “Can you save me something for dinner?” or even just “I love you”. There was no half drunk bottle of red wine on the kitchen counter waiting to be shared on a relaxing evening.

She stepped further into the house. It smelled different. Less clean. Bette clearly hadn’t bothered to wear perfume since Tina had left, as usually the house had an unmistakeable aroma of the combination of their two favourite scents. The house lacked the smell of the home cooking that Tina had used to do.

There were so many memories here. Some special moment had happened to Tina in every part of the house. The kitchen counter where she and Bette had worshipped Marcus Allenwood’s sperm before the insemination. The living room floor where Tina had made her friends stay with her until Bette came home when she was scared of Marcus’ girlfriend coming round. The front porch where they’d sat and watched the sun come up after they’d made love, when Shane told them how they gave her hope. The dining room table where Tina had surprised Bette with her positive pregnancy test. Tina walked on, taking in the surroundings. The bathroom where Tina had discovered she was pregnant. The shower where they’d had hot ***** many a time, although less often in the recent months. Only one more room remained.

The bedroom. Where the best and worst nights of her life had occurred. She tried to focus on other things. When she’d lost the baby and curled up in a ball on the floor and cried, and Bette had come in and simply held her. The time the gang had barged in when Bette and her had just finished the insemination. Bette’s ingenius plan to get her pregnant by having a threesome. Tina laughed when she remembered the guys face when he realised what was going on. Her smile faded and she sighed as she recalled how turned on by Bette she was that night, and how they’d reconnected through the most amazing love-making in their bed.

The bed. Where it all happened. It was clear to her that Bette hadn’t slept in here since that night. Her torn dress lay on the floor where she’d thrown it when she’d got dressed and stormed off to Alice’s. The sheets were a crumpled mess. She started to shake as it all came back to her. The tears started to roll down her cheeks. How Bette had pinned her down, ripping her dress, insisting that she loved her. The kisses. Raw, hungry kisses, nothing like the tender ones they used to share. How she’d fought back and turned the tables on Bette. How she’d bit down hard on her cheek and neck, not reacting to her screams of pain. And how she’d grabbed Bette’s hand and forced her to ***** her. Her climax had been accompanied by tears as she held Bette that last time. The mix of emotions had been so intense. She’d hated Bette for what she’d done, yet in some crazy way she needed her. She couldn’t explain her actions that night, and still wasn’t able to justify them to herself. Nothing had given her the right to physically hurt Bette like that. Perhaps she had been trying to recreate the emotional hurt she was feeling. She just didn’t know.

“What did we do to each other?” she whispered out loud.

She stepped tentatively to the edge of the bed and knelt down beside it. Her shaking hand reached out to gently touch the sheet. The tears flowed down her cheeks as she sobbed at the reality of it all. Until she’d been able to block out the bits she didn’t want to face. But now seeing it, it was all too real.

“Oh Bette” she sobbed “How could we hurt each other like this?”

She heard a slight movement behind her and jumped up. Bette stood in the doorway, her own cheeks stained with tears.

“Because the people you love the most are the people you hurt the most” she choked on her words.

“When did you get here?”

“A little while ago. I just wanted to give you some time”

“This room, have you…” Tina started to ask.

“I haven’t been in here since. I don’t think I could have faced it on my own. I guess you’re braver than me”

“I never thought I’d hear you say that. So that night you didn’t sleep in here?”

“Right after you left I came out and shut the door” Bette explained.

“I needed to come in here to accept what happened. What we did”

“We did some awful things to each other” Bette whispered.

“I never wanted to hurt you like that”

“You had every right to act like you did”

“Will you hold me please?” Tina asked quietly.

Bette stepped forward and tenderly enveloped Tina with her arms. They clutched each other and cried onto each others’ shoulders. At that moment time stood still. It wasn’t about *****, it wasn’t about love, it was about needing someone who understood. No-one else could even begin to imagine what they had both gone through that night.

“I’m so sorry” Bette whispered.

“I’m sorry too”

They pulled away from each other and stared into each others’ eyes. It was as though they could see into each others’ souls. They didn’t need words to communicate what they were feeling. There was still love there and both of them knew it.

“T, I…” Bette started.

“I…I’m sorry. I can’t do this” Tina ran out of the room.

“Please, wait” Bette chased after her.

Tina ran out of the front door and to her car. She avoided looking at Bette as she drove away.

“Tina!” Bette screamed.

She reached the door and stood there watching Tina drive off down the street. Conceding defeat, she walked back into the house and closed the door behind her. She felt her knees give way beneath her as she slid down to the ground. She sobbed uncontrollably, grieving once again for the loss of the woman she loved so much.