It took Bette more than a few minutes to move. She was lying besides Tina, looking at her in the eyes, trying to read her thoughts, trying to read the curve or her lips, they way her smile was turning to her, they way the look on her eyes was touching her heart.

Bettes hand was on Tinas belly, still, just getting all her warmth, all her strength.

Holding Tinas stare moved Bettes insides, melting her soul. It took her a few more seconds to realized that Tina was caressing her hand.

Looking at Bettes stare made Tina realized how much they have lost in the last months, how much was waiting for them in the future, but most important, Bettes eyes were telling Tina the story of her betrayal.
She could see that Bette was not aware of how much her eyes were saying, she was not able to know how much her trembling hand, her tender touch was telling Tina.

Bette looking at Tina was just breathing for her, she wasnt thinking, she was just being, she was letting her body be, grow with confidence. It all start as a playful desire that was burning her inside but suddenly, without any warning something broke Bettes inside, Bettes memories, Bettes gilt, Bettes love. Suddenly she was realizing, seeing Tina, knowing how lucky she really was.

Those were things she knew before that moment,she knew it during her time away from her, her search in India, and the time they spent together, the last couple of days since her come back were full of knowledge but not till now, just there, on the bed, lying at her side, in the early morning light, placing her hand on Tinas belly Bette realized the true meaning of life.

Tina, looking at Bette was giving her time, the time she knew Bette needed to realize, to face, to know what was going on inside of her.

Tina could read her eyes, the shake of her touch, her cold trembling soft fingers on her belly, and most clearly her thin, beautifully shape tender lips drawing a smile, trying to be born from the deepest spot of her shaken heart.


Seeing small tears appearing on Bettes beautiful eyes was the clue Tina needed to put, to moved her hand to Bettes face.

Bette, still lost in her own awakening didnt see Tinas touch till the warm feeling run through her body making her shiver with love and thankfulness.

Slowly, looking at Bette in the eyes, Tina caressed her cheek, the edge of her trembling chin. Moving her face closer, Tina rubbed her nose on Bettes neck, letting her love camp with her on her collarbone, trying to show Bette all her love, all her understanding.

Tinas tender movement, her sweet touch only made Bette weaker, she was seeing her life, her what if life could have been if she didnt do what she did to get Tina back.

Having Tina in her arms, feeling her warm body, touching her full of promises and joyful belly, knowing, feeling her endless love made Bette realized what she almost lost and for the first time, it made her realized why she did what she did.

Moving apart, putting her arm around Tina, holding her tight, trembling with fear, Bette leaned her face down, close to Tinas ear and after kissing her on the head she whispered, as a prayer,

“Tee, I need to tell you, I need to talk with you

Bettes words didnt need any more explanation. Tina knew what she was talking about, her tone, her broken words, her trembling hold were enough clue for her to understand.
And Tina knew they had to do it, they had to close some doors to be able to open new windows. But words were no where to be found, Tina knew that it was going to be painful, she didnt want to hear the words, didnt want to remember, didnt want to open the almost forgotten wounds but nodding, kissing Bettes collarbone Tina gave Bette the most precious gift, the possibility of forgiveness, even when both of them knew that it was forgiven, both of them needed to say it, to feel it, to share the pain as well as the healing.

Holding Tina tight, hiding her shame, her guilt, all her fears in her hair, behind the hand that was caressing Tinas beautiful golden hair Bette found the strength, found the words she needed to explain what happened to her.


I was looking at you getting asleep, your smile, as always on your face, as you were holding my hand and then you said the words that started burning me inside(noticing Tina tensing under her hold)it wasnt you Tee, it was those words I played with them my shattered mind played with them and they started driving me insane you said, as you have done many times before how proud you were of being with me and instead of feeling proud of you, instead of feeling my heart full of love I felt as my lungs were being close by something bigger than me and instead of stopping and looking at my fears up front I hid them, trying not to think about them, moving on with our life but instead of doing that I hid my fears, my worries and started moving on with my life, apart from you I knew I was doing that, wasnt on purpose but I was aware of being doing thatit was much easier Tee, much less painful the day we had the talk, right here, when you said that you were noticing that I wasnt looking at you like I used to that night something got broke inside of me, something broke my heart, the idea that I was letting you go, the idea that, as always, you knew something was going on, the idea that words were not coming out of my mouth, that my hands were unable to reach yours, that day I knew that I was on a path that was going to kill me but I dindt find the courage to go and ask you for help. I Knew you could be there for me, I knew, know, that you always are, always have been, but that day, as I was just getting over the whole provocations issues, I was still pretty much living from the successes the show meant, I was living others people life, I was proud of myself and thought that I was going to be able to fix it, what I didnt think about was that maybe, just maybe you were really needing me you have always been there for me Tee, and I thought that being the successful woman everybody thought I was .. I was helping youI know there is no excuse, am not excusing myself ..am just telling you what was going on in my head from that day on I was getting more and more lost with each silence, with each word I didnt share with you, with each new fear I didnt tell you about I got lost in my work because that was the only way I was making myself being able to deal with what was going on with my life, with my fears, with us losing the baby I didnt know how to handle that but mostly I didnt know how to help you and not knowing how to hold you, how to just be there with you, as I knew it was all you needed, was killing me inside but I didnt want to face it so I just immersed myself more and more in my work, and then Candance showed up

Tina, feeling her eyes calming her nerves, killing the memory flames that were killing her inside felt Bette tensing just by pronouncing the name, just by letting Tina hear her saying it out loud, holding Bettes grip, Tina squeezed her tight, trying to assure all her love for her, encouraging to continue.


I met her and she was different, she was not us, she wasnt even someone we could be friends with and that was it something that it was the opposite of us..i didnt do it on purpose but deep inside I have to tell I knew I was taking a road I shouldnt be taking (Tina was feeling Bettes tears wetting her hair, her trembling hand being hold by Tinas touch, by Tinas hold)so I hired her and the weekend you went to palm spring with the girls, when I went with you to the Planet to say goodbye to all of you, I felt it again my heart braking in a million pieces you, always the strong one, always there for us, for all of usI knew how sad, how broken you were but there you were, trusting me, trusting us, trusting our love, believing in me, in us, just letting time to heal you inside, no cursing anyone but life while I was still pretty much looking for someone to blame for what was happening to me I saw you leave and I felt a cold shiver running through my body, I needed you, needed to reach you, to touch you But I have lost the confidence to do that, to hold your hand, to look for youI was getting deeper and deeper in my own self pity it was a vicious circle and instead of taking the time to face it and stop it I took the easy road I let the lust I saw in Candance eyes filled my broken heart with what I thought was love, strength and courage everything that I always got just by looking you in the eyes, just by taking your hand in mine, just by watching you smile. I let all those lies to fool me, I took her because I was not able to reach you, to talk with yougod Tee

Bette sobs broke Tinas heart while healing her wounded soul. She believed Bette, each and every one of her words were true, she saw all that pain, all the doubts in Bette eyes and she knew she was someone to blame too.

“Bette, I was there too, I wasnt there for you either, am one to blame too

Tinas words broke Bettes heart a bit more while building her soul with love and hope. Shaking her head, caressing Tinas arm to die in her hand, holding her trembling fingers in hers, Bette continued talking,

I know Tee, but you are not perfect, you are just human and I couldnt deal with that, I could not deal with you not being there just for me, for us I didnt know, I could not deal with being the one in charge, with being the one who should take care of us, I didnt know, didnt want to have that power, it was too much for me so instead of talking with you I went out and let Candance fooled me with feelings I knew were weak as all the time I was with her I knew I was still looking for you, I was searching, trying to reach you heart, you touch, your care, your smile and all I was getting was silence, the cold icy silence that was growing inside of me, that was building thick walls around my wounded lost soul, the feeling on my stomach each time I let Candance touch me, with each touch all I wanted was to rip off my skin, to be somebody elsebut I kept coming from more because as much as I hate admit it, ***** is a powerful weapon, it wakes you inside, it makes blood run and makes you feel aliveI was dead Tina my life without you was nothing, could not breath, could not eat I needed to love you, needed you to love me or at least acknowledge me thinking that I was nothing more than a mark, a memory of your past, a painful memory was slowly killing me I needed, need to exist in your eyes in your life to have a reason to wake up every morning

Tina, not being able to hold it more, moving away from Bette sat on the bed, looking at her, holding her hand. Bette, unable to hold her stare, the painful look in here eyes closed hers, as she needed to finish what she was saying.

…and our last night together, what happened between ushow it happened was making impossible for me to go and beg for your forgiveness

Sighing deeply, getting all the strength she needed from Bette honest tears Tina whispered,

What changed all that?

Opening her eyes Bette looked at Tina, and after a few needed seconds a small shy smile started growing on her face, the word escaping her lips, caressing her soul, calming her nerves,

Shane
Shane? Tina was confused, not sure of what Bette was telling her.

She showed me, gave me her quiet big heart, told me all the painful truths, and then held my hand as I let my fears appeared, as I let my sorrows and my guilt to finally show up. She held me, and she forgave me and she put the words, the only words I needed to hear in front of me

Noticing the look on Tinas face, Bette added

She told me that I was one lucky *****, because you loved me, that you were the most generous person she could think of and that she was sure youd forgive me

Tinas smile filled Bettes heart, calming her shaken nerves.

and then she added that she would not let me hurt you, or even come close to hurt you again

With that last words sounding in her head, Tina leaned down, taking Bettes face in her hands and slowly, softy, full of tenderness and love she kissed her hard on the lips.