‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through WeHo,
A group of lesbians were at TiBette’s that I think we all know.

Jenny’s stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
But no goodies were left because of the holes that were there.

Bette and Tina were nestled all splayed in their bed,
While visions of Gaymos danced in their heads.
Shane, Alice and Dana had quietly shared a nightcap,
And had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
They all raced through the house to see what was the matter.
Scrambling madly to the door they all flew like a flash,
Alice was worried about cops and so thus hid her stash.

The moon on Tina’s breast gave everyone quite a show,
She snapped her robe closed to prevent ogling below.
Then what to their wondering eyes should appear,
“Oh my God” screamed Alice…My mother is here!”

She was not alone in the car and she got out lively and quick,
That’s when it all hit them – she wants to play Old Saint Nick
Like clowns in a circus car, falling out they all came,
And she whistled and shouted and called them by name:

“Now Ellen, Now Martina, Now Melissa and Rosie,
On Portia, On Chasity, On k.d. and Jodie.
“To the top of the porch and don’t you all fall”
“Now dash away, dash away now dash away all!”

Dumbfounded they all stood as the group passed them by,
Bette glanced at Alice and then both said a prayer to the sky.
So up to the porch top all the ***** elves flew,
With bags full of goodies and a very tipsy Lenore too.

They all laughed together when it soon became clear,
That Lenore just wanted to spread Holiday cheer.
So sitting back on the couches and chairs with each other,
They enjoyed all the gifts and the flask from Alice’s mother!

The ***** elves worked quite quickly dispensing their wares,
Each girl received a big pile and they couldn’t help but just stare.
When the elves were all finished they turned with a jerk,
“We’ll see you next year Lenore, but now we’re off to more work”

They ran out of the house and climbed back into the car,
And took off down the street like a bright shooting star.
But I heard them exclaim as they drove out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all L-Worders and to all a good night!