Trying to resist.
—

"I never should have let you go. I would do anything for another chance. I’m not afraid to make a
fool out of myself."

Was all she told me over the phone as tears spilled out of my tired eyes. I asked her what to say
to Jodi as I gave her the sign. I was surprised by the response she gave and thanked her in
the only way possible. Calling her by her nickname. That’s when she hung up on me and carried
on with her stroll on the beach alongside Kate Arden. I couldn’t blame her, it had been a long
and bumpy ride for us both but we deserved happiness.

Now I was standing her on an open field in the middle of nowhere or better yet upstate New York.
Delivering the sign to my lover. But when I did so I couldn’t speak nor could I utter any sound of
life in me. I couldn’t even voice the words Tina handed me last night, I had put them away in my
heart. Reserved them for another time.

"Better not break my heart."

That’s when she kissed me forcefully on the lips and I back out of our relationship. I mentally closed
off and didn’t grant her access into my mouth. She must have felt me tearing away because she
stopped kissing me and looked at me with an expression full of question.

"What’s going on?" she signed while she spoke along

Even though I was already able to sign simple words and sentences I choose to mouth my words
slowly so that she could read my lips.

"I can’t…"

"You can’t what?"  she asked while her look became full of fear.

"Stay in this relationship with you, you laid down the one rule and it only confirmed my beliefs.
My feelings for you are not as strong as I thought. And you pushing me never ever to break
your heart is just impossible for me. I’m only human and not perfect." I tried to explain

"It’s Tina isn’t it?"

"Whether or not if it is Tina has nothing to do with my decision. But yes it’s Tina and it has always
been Tina." I finally confessed to her.

She started to walk away from me with a look of regret now striking her face. As she kept on
walking I followed her and when I caught up with her I reached out to her arm and she swung
around facing me once again.