Knowing that the charade needed to end and the weight of her deception was too much to carry, Bette knew she had to end it with Candace. Tina had endured so much already with the failed inseminations, the crazed girlfriend, and death, in vitro of their son. Wanting so desperately to maintain being the strong one, the provider, and the foundation for which their relationship would survive, Bette put her true feelings aside and continued to focus on her work instead of herself and healing. Candace had been the unwelcome, but welcomed distraction from her pain, her confusion, and mundane existence. Her intensity, her appeal, and her rawness seduced Bette into the abyss of scarlet purgatory of which she could no longer live.

The space between heaven and *****
The unfortunate place in which I dwell
Somewhere Id rather not be
But I have no control of my moods you see

She had to end it and tonight would be the finale to their brief and illicit affair as they each celebrated their debut. Provocations ironically suited them both! The defiance of their meeting and the scandal of the show were provocative in themselves. In a word, apropos!

Tina was slowly pulling away and beginning to reunite with her own identity. Bette was no longer the center of her world. Bettes needs were no longer a priority over her own. Tina had continually been there for her in spite of her own pain and misgivings and gave Bette the strength to make it through and withstand her pressures. She never picked up on the signs of Bettes infidelity. All of these factors guilted Bette into her dire need for them to plan for a family again. She needed something else to focus on and she needed to close the gap that was forming between them. In spite of Tinas desire to wait, she knew she had no choice but to end things before they became frightfully out of hand. Candaces captivating hold on her psyche made her weak and it frightened her. Ending it was the only way to make the lies, the deception, and the creeping stop. They all deserved so much more than that. Tina was more than just a girlfriend whom she could walk away from, she was her wife. Someone shed spent seven years with. How could she put all of that in jeopardy for someone she barely knew outside of the bedroom? There was no real answer to that question, making her guilt cement the decision to end their tryst.

Tina watched happily as Bette greeted her clients, fellow artists, viewers, and friends. She was proud of the accomplishments that Bette made and enjoyed seeing her delight in the success of the show especially after all the hardship that was endured. Seeing everything come to life gave her a feeling of reassurance that things would get better and it was just a trial that theyd triumphed through. Well, that was until she saw Bettes contact with Candace. Disgust and nausea filled her as she watched the touch that was once exclusively hers trail from Bettes hand to Candaces. It wasnt that professional friendly contact, but that sensual, intimate contact with the kind of look that lovers shared. The mule kick to her stomach crippled her where she stood. Her screams went unheard as they lodged in her throat, choking her into speechlessness. Tears froze in her eyes and a misty fog clouded her mind. There was no way to react and she felt like an invisible prisoner trapped in a room full of people she no longer wanted to be around. With graceful fortitude Tina feigned her way through the rest of the evening continuing to play the loving and supporting wife.

At home Tina sat with the same strength she maintained at the CAC quietly and patiently waiting for Bette.

I saw you, Tina stated in a near whisper, still sitting on the ottoman.

What babe? Bette turned to face Tina.

I said I saw you, she said a little louder, now getting up.

Saw what T? Im not sure I know what youre talking about? Bette looked confused and walked toward Tina who stopped where she stood.

I ***** saw you Bette! I saw you and Candace. I saw you touching her, Tina declared, raising her voice slightly. How could you?

Tina. Baby, please its not what you think, Bette reached for Tina who pulled away. Its not

There is no place for me to run and hide
To let it all go and swallow my foolish pride
To break down the walls built around me
And reveal the conflicts needing to be free

Its not what Bette? Please dont do this to me. Havent I been through enough? She pleaded now pacing the floor to avoid contact from Bette. I KNOW that look and after all this time, I KNOW that kind of touch. Tina turned to face Bette who was now looking frantically at Tina.

Oh, baby, Bette started.

Dont ***** oh baby me. What the ***** was it about Bette? Are you ***** her? Tina screamed as Bette flinched at the tone of Tinas typically soft voice. Well, are you? Cause thats sure as ***** what it looked like to me.

Please sit down. We need to talk and I cant do it with you moving around like you are, Bette pointed at the ottoman.

No words to speak to help you understand
The only thing you can do is hold my hand
Keep me from the destruction living within
Help me see there is some good to continue living

I dont wanna sit. I want to stand. I feel better standing if you dont mind, Tina stomped her foot and crossed her arms across her chest. Start talking.

Bette chose to sit. She no longer had the strength to stand. The weight of the night was now coming to its climax and she needed all the fortitude she had to get over this last hurdle.

Im not ***** Candace as you put it, but I did! Tinas mouth fell open and her eyes widened immediately filling with tears. Bette stood up and walked toward Tina who put her hands up to block Bette from getting closer.

You ***** *****! Came Tinas heart-wrenching scream. Why? When? How long? Tina ran out of the room, tears pouring out of her eyes as she locked herself in the bathroom.

Bette ran behind her, but Tina was inside before she could stop her.

Tina? Please. Come out, we need to talk about this. Its over! Its over between us, she sobbed, tears now streaming down her cheeks.

The mental bondage is strong indeed
I need to release from it so I can be freed
This transitory place is no place for me to live
Take this mask off my face so I can breathe

Youre ***** right its over. I hate you! I hate you for doing this to me. I just ***** hate you, Tina collapsed on the floor, crying uncontrollably. She banged her head over and over against the door wailing like a newborn.

Bette stood helpless on the other side, heartbroken, and ashamed. She banged on the door pleading for Tina to let her in, but her requests fell on deaf ears. The only response she got was Tina cursing her for what shed done. Refusing to allow her pleas to go unheard, Bette went into the kitchen and returned with a small screwdriver and began taking the screws out of the doorknob. She knew Tina was too distraught to notice and once shed gotten them all out, she clicked the lock button and forced her way into the bathroom. Tina tried to force the door back, but her emotional state got the best of her and she fell to the floor again as Bette made her way in.

My heart, it bleeds blood of crimson red
It breaks from the hurtful words that are said
My outer shell shields the pain I did not show
The flower inside is dying and refusing to grow

Tina. Baby, I am so sorry. I didnt mean for this to happen. I love you NOT her. I dont know what came over me, Bette was holding Tina who was still sobbing mercilessly. Please, please believe me when I tell you its over.

Tina flexed and pushed Bette off her. Like I said, it IS ***** over. You and me equals over.

No! No were not. Me and Candace are OVER. Im not letting you go. Im not. I love you Tina, I ***** love YOU, Bette pressed her lips against Tinas tasting the saline on her tongue. She slid her tongue between Tinas tightly pursed lips where their tongues clashed. Tina struggled to fight Bette off and not respond to her kiss, but the familiarity breeding on contempt betrayed and slayed her into giving in and she responded with ferocious passion and intent. Tears drowned them both as their oral battle emerged into the ripping and tearing of each others clothes. Their half naked bodies smashed against the cold, hard floor, hands moving like startled birds scattering in flight all over each other, sharing raw, unbridled intimacy between their lost souls. Tina scratched Bettes back as Bette forced her fingers between her dampened lips and into her under attended canal. Tinas back arched upward into Bettes firm fingers, her body moving without regard for her mind telling her no. Tina reached for Bettes firm breast sucking it hard then releasing it, then sucking it again, intermittently biting her nipples. Bette moaned and whisper words into Tinas ear.

Baby, I didnt mean it. I love you. I was just so lost. Alone. And she was there, and I was weak. Oh! Oh God Tina, you feel so good to me. *****! What happened to us? Bette groaned between her confessions. Baby, please give me another chance. Ill make it better I promise.

Tina could say nothing. Her body defied her in every way. She didnt want Bettes hands, defiled from her cheating, touching her, but the passion in their violent connection was too intense to ignore. The more she struggled not to give in, the more she found herself succumbing to the repressed affection. She felt the throbbing in her ***** as Bette continued to stir the water in her canal. She opened her legs desperately wanting and needing more. Bette slid down between her thighs to suck the throbbing morsel now swollen and calling out for attention. Tina screamed, tears falling from her eyes as she climaxed in Bettes mouth. Bette crawled back on top of Tina and ground into her, breaking her own dam before slumping off and onto the floor. Together they lay speechless, sore and tired, staring up at the ceiling.

Some time later, Tina managed to force her bruised, aching body off the floor and struggled to stand. The tenderness between her legs burned and she longed to bathe. The hot water would do her body good. Bette forced herself up too and reached for Tina to stabilize them both. Tina pulled away.

***** you Bette, she declared with a blank expression and vacancy in her eyes. I dont know why what we did just happened, but I do know that I hate you so much right now, (song by Kelis plays in her mind) she spit as Bette looked at her in disbelief. I wont lie, I cant lie like you have for who knows how long, but I do still love you, tears again welling in her eyes. Probably always will, but what happened doesnt mean I forgive you or that I can stay with you, Tina reached in to turn on the shower.

Tears fell from Bettes eyes as she stared open mouthed at Tina who had now turned her back to her. She reached out, but withdrew her hand fearing more rejection.

T, please, she begged. I ended it with Candace. Thats, thats what you saw tonight, Bette explained as she slumped on the toilet seat. I realized. I realized and knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life by cheating and I needed to end it before it got too deep, Bette was sobbing hard and having a hard time speaking.

This purgatory takes hold and is strong like an ox
Ive lost control and Im trapped in the box
Packed and ready for shipment to another place
Lost in transit with way to form a trace

Tina stood in the shower drowning her tears and clutching her chest as she listened to Bettes explanation. The words were swirling in her brain barely comprehensible to her. Bette was everything to her. The one she loved, supported, sacrificed for, and never once cheated or thought about cheating on in all the years theyd been together. That is what truly hurt; the knowing that no matter what Bette had always been the center of and for her affections. Rarely did Bette make Tinas needs a priority. Tina always came first place, second to Bettes work and Bettes needs. Bette was always late to anything that mattered to Tina, to their relationship, and to the family they were trying to build. And the most disheartening blow was the fact that in spite of all Tinas attempts to keep their relationship grounded during a major catastrophe, Bette still never found the time to focus her full attention on Tina or their relationship. Yet somehow Bette managed to make the time to pursue an affair with Candace.

Nausea began to wreak havoc in her stomach and she slid down the wall onto the shower nook hoping it would subside, but she lost control and spewed her guts out. Bette jumped up, reached in to turn the water off, and pulled Tina out of the stall.

Baby? Talk to me. Oh God! Im so sorry T, Bette was cradling Tinas wet, aching body into hers. I know you hate me and you have every right to, but I cant lose you T, I just cant, Bette rocked back and forth holding Tinas shivering body. *****, youre shaking! Bette slid forward to grab a towel. She covered Tina with it, eased Tina to her feet and led her back to the bedroom where she laid her on the bed.

Tina was still crying and looked so broken and distraught that Bette started crying again too, but this time it was for ALL the pain shed been hiding. She lost all self-control and slid into the bed beside Tina wrapping her arm around her body, pulling her close. Their bodies moved in a tear induced symphony, as they shook from crying. As much as Tina wanted to pull away, the warmth from Bette felt good against her back and she soon fell asleep depleted and exhausted. Bette took longer to fall asleep as she whispered in Tinas ear.

I dont know how youll feel in the morning, but at least let me hold you tonight. I just need you to get us through tonight, and with that her eyes closed and she was asleep.

I pray so hard for the will to stay calm and strong
To not let this madness think its where I belong
Pray for me too that one day Ill be free
To break the bondage of this purgatory