One very late night in college, during a bout of drunken philosophizing that came from finding out Tayo cheated on her for quite possibly the hundredth time, Alice created her formidable and so far, consistently accurate laws of attraction. They were the following…

1. Feelings of love can’t be denied.
2. Attraction, once recognized, can’t be ignored.
3. Trying to lie about your emotions only makes things worse.

Several years later, Alice held to these rules because they had proven true no matter how much life changed around her. She never shared the rules with anyone due to the fact that, more than anything, she hated having to prove herself and her beliefs in life to other people. To say otherwise would be a massive understatement. All her life, Alice had been made to feel never good enough. Something that hadn’t been eased by having a mother who always seemed too busy for Alice in the varied and endless ways that mattered to a child. Things like asking about how her day went, encouraging her interests, and knowing who she was as a person.

These things and so much more were part of the reason Alice fell in love with Dana. Though, strangely enough, she wasn’t sure when exactly those feelings began. Not Dana knowing her so well, she was aware of that, but the actual falling in love with her best friend part. Somehow it had snuck up on Alice when she wasn’t aware, much like a stealthy predator. Or since this was Dana she was talking about an awkward yet adorable kitten ***** bent on play attacking a creature ten times its size just because they thought it seemed like fun.

Witnessing Dana’s whirlwind relationship with Tonya play out had filled Alice with a fierce anger she had yet to experience in her life and at first it scared her. She wasn’t the type of person to become bitterly jealous about romantic relationships. No, her style was to act so incredibly derisive and sardonic that no one would notice how envious she actually was.

For as long as Alice could remember she’d been jealous of happy couples and the pleasure they found in each others company. She despised feeling that way but she couldn’t stop it simply because what those couples had was what she truly wanted in her life.

Someone to love and someone to love her back.

And not just any someone. She wanted a person who knew her, really and truly knew her. Knew that her flirtatious attitude was just that, an attitude. A very well put upon act she learned from her mother to mask her fears and insecurities from others. She wanted someone who knew why the chart was so important to her and didn’t dismiss its potential to link countless *****, bisexual, and questioning women in the great big tangled mess that was the LA romantic scene. She wanted someone who knew why she sang Instant Karma by John Lennon to feel better on a bad day and the reason behind her childhood fear of eating dill pickles.

In other words, she wanted someone like Dana. But now it had gone from wanting someone like Dana to just plain wanting Dana. There was no one else in Alice’s mind. That long lost phantom figure of the perfect boy/girlfriend had exited her subconscious and in its place stood Dana. Tall, tan, sweet, silly, geeky, and utterly perfect because of all these things Dana.

Sitting in her bed, sifting her fingers through Tina’s hair in an absent gesture of comfort for her friend who had long since cried herself to sleep, Alice decided to just admit it. “I want Dana Fairbanks,” she whispered timidly.

Silence. The sky didn’t fall. The world wasn’t tipped off its axis. The plague of locusts had not descended. There was only the sound of silent acceptance and Tina’s soft exhale of breath. This gave Alice a boost of confidence and she decided to elaborate on her previous statement.

“I love Dana Fairbanks,” Alice said with a little more gusto, a hesitant yet happy smile forming on her face. It felt so good to say that… so very good. Surely if she went that extra yard and just said it all, well… how good would that feel? Alice threw caution to the wind and wearing a goofy expression, she declared proudly, “I’m in love with Dana Fairbanks.”

“Good for you, Al,” mumbled Tina sleepily. “But when the ***** did that happen, huh?”

“T!” shrieked Alice, jumping up and causing a drowsy Tina to flop off her lap and onto the bed with a groan. “Oh jeez, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to do that. You scared me, that’s all. I thought you were still asleep.”

“I gathered that from hearing the whole ‘I love Dana Fairbanks’, ‘I’m in love with Dana Fairbanks’, impromptu speech,” Tina murmured, shifting her head on a pillow and opening one sleepy eye to peer at Alice contemplatively. “Now are you going to tell me when exactly this happened or will I be forced to tickle a confession out of you?”

“Are you sure?” asked Alice with a frown, observing her friend carefully. The last thing she wanted to do was babble on about the confusing state of her love life if Tina didn’t really want her to do so. God knows that Tina had been through enough without being forced to listen to unwelcome tales of romantic angst and/or confusion. “I mean, I’m okay. I don’t need to talk but if you want to talk then I can talk. Of course, I can talk about anything you know. Like last week I swear I found a potato chip that looks exactly like my Aunt Brenda. It was so disturbing…”

“Al,” Tina interrupted wryly, a slow and genuinely sweet smile forming on her face as she did so. “I want to hear you talk. But not about the Aunt Brenda potato chip. I’m more interested in the whole loving Dana Fairbanks revelation. Do I need to threaten tickling again or are you finally going to answer my question?”

“That’s the crazy thing about this though,” murmured Alice, slumping backwards onto the bed and lying next to Tina as she stared up at the ceiling. “I honestly don’t know when or how this happened. All I know is that it’s the truth.” Looking at Tina with a shy gaze that was undeniably compelling in the emotions it held, Alice said softly, “I’m in love with her.”

Studying Alice for a long moment, Tina murmured in quiet amazement, “You really are, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” replied Alice, an unbidden smile tugging on her lips at just the thought of Dana. It felt incredibly good to share these feelings with someone else without the fear of rejection that naturally came with them. “I am. Though,” Alice heaved a loud sigh, “I have no idea when this loving Dana thing started.” Frowning thoughtfully, she went on, “I guess maybe it’s been building up for a long time now and somehow I never noticed.”

“I can see that,” said Tina, moving around so she and Alice could be face to face while remaining snugly ensconced underneath the blankets. “I think that love tends to do one of two things. The first is that it hits you hard and fast. Something that’s been well chronicled as love at first sight in books, television, and countless bad movies. The second is that it sneaks up on you slow and silent, never letting you know about its approach. Then bam!” Tina clapped her hands loudly together for a sound effect. “It hits you out of nowhere and you’re down for the count.”

“Love is Mike Tyson and I’m Evander Holyfield’s ear, in other words?” Alice teased gently, lifting an eyebrow in speculation and chuckling on seeing Tina blush in embarrassment.

“Something like that,” said Tina in dry tones as she gave Alice a poke to her side. Hazel eyes darkened and Tina’s voice dropped into a shaky octave. “I had the opposite with Bette. I fell hard and fast… she took me completely by surprise. I never saw it coming.” There was a pause then Tina said in a bare whisper, “I didn’t see the affair with Candace coming either.” Dragging teary eyes up to lock helplessly with Alice’s understanding gaze, she asked hoarsely, “Why did Bette do it, Al? Wasn’t I enough for her? I tried to be… I honestly did.”

“Oh honey, come here,” murmured Alice, pulling Tina into her arms and cradling her close. Squeezing her eyes shut at the feel of Tina tucking her head underneath her chin, Alice tried to restrain the rage she felt towards Bette at that instant because it wouldn’t help Tina, not one bit. Combing her fingers through Tina’s hair, she finally said, “I don’t know why she did it and I doubt any of us ever will. Part of me thinks that maybe even Bette doesn’t know why. As for you being good enough for her, well,” Alice snorted derisively, “I think it’s pretty evident you’re TOO good for her.”

After a significant pause Tina asked hesitantly, “You think so?”

A fond smile forming, Alice kissed Tina’s messy blonde locks and replied, “I do. Now don’t you doubt me, because you know it’s the truth since, come on! I am extraordinarily bad at lying.”

“Yes, you are,” Tina laughed at this, unable to help it as she recalled the few times Alice had attempted to lie and failed on a pathetically large scale. But that was just one of many reasons to love Alice so very dearly, Tina realized.

Alice was simply Alice. She didn’t have the capacity to hide who she was or even what she felt. It wasn’t in her nature and she couldn’t be deceptive, not by the smallest of degrees. What you saw with Alice was definitely what you got and in the light of Bette’s betrayal, Tina appreciated that more than words could possibly say. And somehow, she found herself jealous of Dana because she just knew that Alice would never make the mistakes that Bette had made. *****, that she had made.

Listening to her friend regale one of her more embarrassing efforts in the realm of fibbing, her voice joyful and light, fingers soothing as they stroked her hair, Tina sighed. No, Alice would never make their mistakes. She would treat Dana as good as if not better than anyone ever could. That was who she was and it was why they all loved her.

“Hey, Al?” asked Tina quietly, interrupting the story just as Alice got to the part where she claimed to have been raised by circus folk. “You never did tell me. Does Dana know how you feel?”

“She knows,” replied Alice sardonically, her tone reflecting a good deal of disdain with herself. “Yes believe me, she definitely knows.”

“Al,” Tina now drew her name out in a slow and rather worried pronunciation, moving to lock eyes with her friend. “What did you do?”

Releasing a loud and nervous whoosh of air, Alice stared up at the ceiling then said with notable irritation, “I kissed her, okay. I went to her place at four in the ***** morning and I kissed her. Well, first I told her she couldn’t marry Tonya and when Dana asked me why in that confused, hurt, and sweet way that she gets I told her because. So, naturally, she asks why again. Being a genius at conversation, I say because for the second time. And right when I’m pretty sure she was about to start bitching at me for being a confusing and nondescript pain in the butt, I kissed her.”

There was silence as Tina took time to absorb all of this. Then she asked in an altogether mischievous tone of voice, “Did she kiss you back?”

“My god, I can’t believe you asked that,” declared Alice, laughing with surprise and delight. Clucking her tongue, she put on a horrible faux Southern Belle accent and said, “Why Miss Tina Kennard, I do declare that you are becoming as saucy as I!”

“She kissed you back then,” said Tina, looking smug and entirely satisfied about her accurate power of prediction. “I thought that she would.”

“Why?” asked Alice in a small voice.

Frowning on hearing this, Tina scooted away to gently move out of Alice’s arms that had been holding her to look at her friend’s suddenly shadowed features. When brown eyes looked her way, Tina couldn’t hold back the wave of protective emotion she felt on seeing the vulnerability in them.

“Why would you think that? God,” Alice released bark of bitter laughter. “Why would anyone think that? She’s Dana Fairbanks! Famous tennis player, shiny in her newly outed status, who is high up on many more attractive people’s ‘wish I could *****’ list. Who am I? Some flaky bisexual feature writer for LA Magazine?” Scoffing at herself, Alice muttered, “I don’t even have aspirations for writing the great American novel. I hate fiction writing and I hate so called hardcore journalism. My dream is to write for People! Or maybe The Advocate. Who knows.”

“And what’s wrong with wanting to write for People? A lot of people like People!” exclaimed Tina in heated defense of both Alice and a magazine that she herself enjoyed. She was quiet for a moment then said wryly, “That sentence just proves I’m not meant to be a writer myself, doesn’t it?”

“I’d say so,” agreed Alice with a kind yet still amused chuckle. She started to say more but stopped upon feeling Tina’s hand cupping her face as if was delicate porcelain. “T?” she asked, perplexed by the gesture. “What’s up?”

“You’re not a flaky bisexual,” Tina said strongly, her tone revealing that she wouldn’t brook any argument on Alice’s part. “There’s so much more to you, Al. If that’s all you really were then how can you explain why I automatically went to you for comfort on possibly the worst day of my life?” Seeing that her words were having some meager effect, Tina continued, “You’re a compassionate, funny, and sincere woman who, for some unfathomable reason, refuses to see that about herself.” Tapping Alice’s nose lightly with her index finger, Tina growled humorously as she said, “And if Dana can’t see that then she’s a fool.”

“Thanks, that’s very butch of you,” Alice kidded with good humor and a smile, her expression kind but revealing quite clearly she didn’t believe one word of what Tina had just said.

“I mean it, Al,” said Tina solemnly, her hands drifting down Alice’s face to hold it as tenderly as ever. Their foreheads rested together and Tina sighed as she squeezed her eyes shut. “I never wanted to tell you this,” her voice was wry and admonishing, “but if will help you then I guess I should.”

“T?” asked Alice, concerned. “What’s going on? You’re not making sense to even me and many would consider that a feat of wonder.”

“I love Bette,” said Tina softly, her voice wavering as she admitted something that she now felt mammothly foolish for. “I wish right now that maybe I didn’t but I do. But you,” Tina’s voice shifted into an undeniably affectionate tone as clear hazel eyes opened to lock with concerned brown. “I’ve had a crush on you for almost as long as I’ve loved Bette.” Pushing back a stray lock of dyed blonde hair, Tina couldn’t help but giggle at the stupefied look on Alice’s features. “And I’ve just broken your brain, haven’t I, Al? I’m sorry… maybe I should’ve kept quiet.”

“A crush on me?” echoed Alice in disbelief. “How… when… why?” she sputtered, giving certain validity to Tina’s theory that the confession had indeed broken her brain.

“Don’t forget the what and where,” Tina joked. Still cupping Alice’s cheek, she said, “And in regards to the why portion, I can answer that pretty easily. You’re such a sweet person, Al. You do so much for other people and you never think about it as anything less than the natural thing to do. I’ve never met someone who’s as good and as loyal a friend as you. Plus you can somehow make the ugliest outfit look strangely cute.” Tilting her head to one side, her hazel eyes twinkling, Tina drawled, “Now you tell me, what’s not to have a crush on?”

Absorbing all of this, Alice seemed to let go and managed to accept that for some reason Tina believed everything that she had said to be the truth. Releasing a sigh, Alice met their eyes and with raw and naked emotion then said, “I hope Dana feels the same.”

“She does,” assured Tina fiercely, pulling Alice into her arms as she took over the role as comfort giver. “Trust me, she does.”

Something in Tina wouldn’t allow herself to think otherwise. Perhaps because in Alice and her honesty about her feelings for Dana, a small part of Tina had regained her confidence in love existing in its truest form. And Alice being with Dana did give certain validity to her continued belief in its power. Plus there was the fact that the joy of seeing two of her closest friends together would help ease the pain that was currently in her life.

The only worry Tina had was over exactly how long it would take the at times fairly dense Dana to realize the wonderful thing she had in the form of Alice and her love.

—

Ironically enough, other than tennis, Dana’s favorite game as a child was hide and seek. Perhaps that explained how she could exist somewhat comfortably for several years of hiding in the closet. Dana didn’t consider herself a brave person by any means of the word. Even now, after she had finally come out a large part of her was still scared and hiding.

Not from her sexuality but instead from her feelings. Admitting she was ***** was difficult for Dana simply because she had been holding onto it as a secret for so very long. In a strange way, all of the secrets that she kept had become a safety blanket of sorts. They had been in her life for such a long time that Dana didn’t know how to exist without them. Which is why when she came out she didn’t really come out about everything.

Just the lone fact that she, Dana Fairbanks, was a *****.

Certainly she wasn’t planning on revealing the fact that since she met Alice Pieszecki she’d been in love with her. No, that secret was one that Dana thought that she might take to the grave. Then Alice had to go and kiss her.

But she was getting off track. This was about her secrets and the idea that letting go of them all at once frightened Dana so much she thought it really might kill her. All her life she was fiercely aware of the roles people were expected to play by their family, friends, and lovers. Her parents expected her to be an obedient daughter, so dedicated to her athletic career she couldn’t possibly maintain a long term romance with a man. Her friends expected her to remain a geeky naivete, who didn’t have the slightest clue as to what was happening around her. And her lovers? She couldn’t remember the last time she had cared enough to think about what they wanted her to be.

Ralph maybe. Ralph… ha. Stephanie was her name. These were only her thoughts. She could use her real name here. Yes, the last time Dana was totally honest and let someone see everything that she was had been with Stephanie. And what had it gotten her? Nothing but pain.

Since that day, Dana hid who she was and had done a damn good job of it too. After all, she had been in love with Alice for years now and not one of their friends had guessed. Not even Alice herself had figured it out and Alice was probably the most observant person Dana had ever met.

That first meeting was still fresh in Dana’s mind, as if it happened only yesterday. She just started practicing at the club and they were in that period where all the employees were doing their best to impress her as to ensure she stayed on. Having an up and coming tennis player practicing on their courts gave the club an added prestige they felt and Dana benefited greatly from that belief.

Though she admittedly found the attention a tad embarrassing. She was dealing with said attention, barely fending off the ridiculously detailed questions her waiter posed over the rather simple fruit salad she ordered when Alice appeared before her. And Dana did mean appeared, one minute she’d been trying to get rid of the creepily fake waiter and the next there was a dyed blonde, hair in pigtails, brown eyes twinkling, with a quirky smile playing on her lips standing right in front of her.

“I was wondering if you could help me,” Alice began, a smile lighting up her face. She placed her hands on the table and leaned in, leaving their faces only a breath apart, giving Dana an excellent chance to smell her intoxicating perfume. “I’m doing a story about this club for LA Magazine but they don’t know that mostly because if they did know I wouldn’t be able to give an impartial review as I’m sure they’d spend their time sucking up to me. That being said, I’m not really getting anywhere with the whole ordering of food issue.” Releasing a derisive chuckle, Alice looked over her outfit which was basically a mock Catholic schoolgirl uniform and said, “I think it’s the clothes.”

At this, Dana studied her clothing more closely, noting that the short pleated skirt was a red and black plaid pattern, the shirt was white and short sleeved, and the black tie around her neck had an anarchy symbol in red print on the center of it. While Dana thought the woman looked a tad strange she was incredibly attractive nonetheless. That said, she did understand why the snobbish club staff weren’t giving the blonde in front of her much attention. She didn’t look like a member in the slightest sense of the word and they were trained to give their best to the club members, no one else.

That left this woman out in the cold so to speak.

“Probably,” Dana found herself agreeing solemnly, only to be mortified seconds later as the blonde laughed at this. “I didn’t mean it like in a bad way because you look really good in those clothes but I can see why the club staff might not think so. They’re big with the stuffed shirts and–”

“It’s okay, I totally get what you’re trying to say,” the blonde reassured, smiling. Holding out a hand, she said, “I’m Alice Pieszecki and if you wouldn’t mind too much I’d love to have lunch with you.”

“Of course! My name’s Dana Fairbanks and I don’t mind at all, what do you want? I can get the creepy waiter back and you can order your food finally,” stammered Dana nervously, moving into a stance that wasn’t completely standing but wasn’t sitting either. All in all, it made for an adorable picture. Especially when you added in the fact that she was waving her hands wildly. “What do you want to eat? I ordered fruit salad but that’s me. Most people eat more than I do but you’re tiny…”

“I’m tiny?” repeated Alice, a slow smile spreading on her features. Resting her elbows on the table, she held her chin in the palm of her hand as warm brown eyes studied the other woman. “You know, you’re not what I expected from a pro tennis player. I thought that paid athletes were born and bred to have buckets of confidence.”

Seeing that she had gotten the creepy waiter’s attention, Dana sat back in her chair and said absently, “I’m not most tennis players.” Then she froze and reran what the blonde had just said. “Wait,” Dana frowned, “how did you know that’s what I do?”

Instead of replying, Alice nodded to the outfit Dana had on that couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than tennis player garb. But that didn’t explain how she know Dana played professionally. As if knowing that was going to be the next question posed, Alice smiled playfully and leaned in to say in hushed tones, “I dated one of your ball girls.” Dana’s eyes went wide at this and Alice sat back in her seat and eyes twinkling mischievously, she drawled, “Her name’s Melanie. She’s the blonde with all the curves. I believe you two have run into each other a few times while perusing local nightlife.”

An immediate sense of panic filled Dana and she darted her eyes around the club, somehow feeling as if they all knew her secret as this woman obviously did. It didn’t help matters that the creepy waiter had decided to finally join them and Alice was currently ordering her meal. By the time they were alone again, Dana was going through a mental list of believable denials. A list that disappeared the instant soft fingers grasped her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Looking into concerned brown eyes, she wore the expression of a lamb being led to the slaughter and that’s what she truly felt like. Being outed by some reporter had long been Dana’s worst nightmare and now it appeared to be coming true. She could barely hold back the tears on imagining her family’s reactions.

“Hey,” said Alice, her voice soothing and laced with worry. “What’s wrong?” When fearful blue eyes finally lifted to lock with her own, Alice realized what was wrong and that she’d been the one to cause the terrified reaction in the woman in front of her. “Oh god, honey, don’t worry. I’m not going to say anything. I’m not here for that… I don’t write that kind of garbage. I might like to gossip but I certainly don’t enjoy transcribing it for pay. That’s not my style, if I do have a style to speak of. So please don’t worry, there’s no way am I putting this into any article.”

“You aren’t?” asked Dana in a whisper, not believing she could possibly be that lucky. Though she knew they were discussing her sexual orientation she still couldn’t say the words. Not until she could confirm Alice was telling the truth. That was the worst part of being closeted, she thought. Having to put everyone she met through this battery of exhausting tests in order to see if they could be trusted with her secret. “Why wouldn’t you write about it? Reporters love that kind of story.”

“Some do,” agreed Alice. She waited until she got the athlete to meet her gaze then echoed Dana’s earlier statement with soft humor, “But I’m not most reporters. And besides, what’s more interesting? Your ***** life or a detailed review of a scrumptious crab souffle?” She paused and moved in close to say with utmost solemnity, “Not to be mean but I think it’s gotta be the crab souffle.”

Wrinkling her nose up as she laughed, Dana shook her head and all at once she felt better. She wasn’t sure why but there was something inside her telling her to trust this woman because if she did she would never regret it. For the first time in a very long while Dana decided to take a chance and a sly smile pulling at her lips, she replied, “I think I’m better than a crab souffle. Ask Melanie.”

“Is that so?” asked Alice, surprised at the quiet admittance and feeling a little overwhelmed the tennis player had chosen to trust her. In that moment, Alice vowed she would make sure it was a decision Dana would be proud she made. “I’ll have to give her a call and hear that for myself.”

“You do that,” Dana chuckled, taking a drink of her juice.

The rest of lunch was successfully absent of drama and when they parted company they had each other’s phone numbers but Dana’s slip of paper also contained a hastily drawn map of how to get to The Planet. She had this because Alice had managed to get Dana to promise they both would hang out together over coffee. And as if to prove her pessimistic nature when it came to people and their promises being worthless, Dana soon found herself sitting inside of The Planet drinking coffee on a sunny Friday morning. Not realizing the women sitting with her would soon become the closest friends that she ever had. Close enough to be considered family. What she did know was that she was truly happy for the first time in long while and it was all thanks to Alice.

She would always hold that first meeting sacred because it was the first time in a long while that someone was kind to her without having some ulterior motive. But Dana didn’t know that at the time and she put in a good deal of effort in the subtle art of testing Alice’s friendship. Waiting with veiled cynicism for holes to form and the truth behind Alice’s motives for seeking her friendship to leak out. Though it was in vain because any holes that were created came from Dana herself. And it was Alice, not Dana, who always repaired them with caring and detailed attention.

For the longest time there was a gaping void in Dana’s life and she felt it came from hiding her sexuality from everyone around her. When she met Alice, she realized that was indeed part of the reason behind the constant ache in her heart but it was just one part. There was something larger causing it that Dana was never aware of until Alice.

And it was the fact that no one really knew her. Not in the realm of sexual orientation but knowing Dana in general. In hiding her sexual identity she also hid her heart and who she was as a person. To successfully perpetuate a lie that large over a span of many years Dana had to shut down a part of herself. The part that let people in, allowed them to see her for who she was.

After so many years of tortured confusion Dana found acceptance in her new friends and to her, nothing could possibly be more wonderful. She couldn’t imagine her life without Alice in it and that’s what made the kiss so scary. Relationships of the romantic nature fall apart, Dana accepted that as merely another fact in life. But she could never accept the idea of a life without Alice.

Which meant no romance. The reality of that almost killed Dana. Just like it almost killed her to think of the kiss, one that she had wanted for years now and how it was better than she could have ever imagined. The taste of Alice, the sound of her hushed moans, the feel of her warm body pressed close, God… she wanted that again. She wanted it bad enough that her body seemed to shudder and ache from the want Dana felt seizing her but she couldn’t have it. Not if she wanted to keep Alice with her always. If they dated things might go well at first, like they did with any couple, but eventually something would happen. *****, who was she kidding?

Eventually she would do something massively wrong and that would be it. Their romance would end and despite promises to stay friends forever real life would rear its ugly head and take Alice far from Dana. Logically she knew this was an overly pessimistic viewpoint on something she couldn’t even properly predict at the moment but that was what Dana honestly thought.

Another part of her thought maybe Alice had kissed her to warn her away from Tonya. Though it looked otherwise, Dana wasn’t in love with Tonya. She did like her simply because Tonya made it abundantly clear she thought Dana was special and she was touched by that. For Dana, it was unusual to receive compliments on the scale she got them from Tonya and while she knew not all of them were totally sincere it was wonderful to hear them nonetheless.

There was also the fact that Tonya was safe. One day if they should part and the marriage would end, Dana would be sad, of course, but she wouldn’t be crushed. Her life would go on and she would pick up the pieces. Dana knew without a doubt she could survive losing Tonya.

She could never survive losing Alice.

In her mind, that put Tonya above Alice in the category of viable romance despite the fact that Alice was the one that she was in love with. Had always been in love with. To say that Dana’s philosophy on dating and romance was odd wasn’t a stretch to say the least but in a way it made sense.

Protection was what it boiled down to. Protecting herself from the pain of rejection she had been afraid of since she was a young girl and she first realized she was *****. The pain that she made into this huge monstrous specter that haunted her so much she hid who she was for years and years. The pain that was justified when her parents rejected her so very harshly. The pain that was filling her heart now as she remembered the feel of Alice’s soft lips moving against her own…

And decided that it couldn’t happen again.

Seconds later, the room was filled with happy chatter and activity as Tonya made her entrance into the kitchen. She watched with veiled eyes as her fiance made the coffee according the preferences she had wheedled out of Dana and came to another decision.

Alice had to be told, the sooner the better. Rising to her feet, kissing Tonya’s cheek and murmuring an excuse about training in her ear, Dana made her way to her bedroom. Changing into a pair of workout clothes since she fully planned on training after this was over. She would need the release to somehow survive what she was about to do. Nothing would be more difficult than hurting the woman she loved but it needed to be done. Still, she did hate herself for it.

This was a feeling that Dana, sadly, was altogether well acquainted.

—

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“Finally!” Alice shouted in combination of annoyance and glee, leaping to her feet and running over to the stereo. For some absurd reason that she could no longer recall she had promised herself she wouldn’t turn on the stereo to begin her usual form of musical therapy until Tina had been gone for exactly thirty minutes. And now, after what seemed much longer, the thirty minutes had passed. Thus her traditional ritual of singing along to John Lennon in order to feel better could happily begin. Going through the cd tracks in an almost robotic fashion, Alice murmured, “I should do this again, when T’s here. I’m guessing that she’d see my whole point in it.”

Despite the fact that Tina had insisted she needed to go over to the house in order to get her things Alice felt wary about the entire issue. Mostly because Tina was going alone. Though she understood that Tina needed to confront Bette in order to simply release her anger over what had happened she couldn’t help worrying. The momentary pleasure that Tina would get from such an action couldn’t possibly equal the pain it would later cause.

But Tina needed to do this and Alice knew it, so she let her go. That didn’t stop her from worrying though. Not in the least. Which was why she was beaming widely and backing away from her stereo as it blared the opening notes of John Lennon’s Instant Karma. And not for the first time, Alice was thankful that her apartment building had thick cement and utterly soundproof walls. It was great for her impromptu bouts of loud singing and late nights filled with adventurous *****.

Jumping onto her couch to bounce on it as she sang, Alice cleared her throat then started singing along with John, “Instant Karma’s gonna get you. Gonna knock you right on the head. You better get yourself together. Pretty soon you’re gonna be dead…”

“What in the world you thinking of?” Alice declared loudly, shaking her head and bouncing higher on the couch. One day she knew she’d outright destroy the springs but today wasn’t that day and she almost hit her head on the ceiling. “Laughing in the face of love. What on earth you tryin’ to do? It’s up to you.” Alice paused then sang even louder, “Yeah you!”

“Instant Karma’s gonna get you. Gonna look you right in the face. Better get yourself together darlin’,” she drew this last line out, blowing a kiss as she did so. Grinning widely, Alice bounced and spun in the air, continuing to sing, “Join the human race. How in the world you gonna see? Laughin’ at fools like me?” Gesturing to herself and bouncing higher than ever, Alice then lifted her arms over her head. “Who on earth do you think you are? A super star? Well, right you are!”

Fully into her crazy rockin’ out punker girl mode, phrase courtesy of Tayo during their two second romance, Alice shook her head wildly. “Well, we all shine on! Like the moon and the stars and the sun! Well, we all shine on! Everyone, come on!”

“Instant Karma’s gonna get you. Gonna knock you off your feet.” Alice closed her eyes, calming on knowing that her favorite lyrics were coming up and she sang the words with a soft and understated conviction, “Better recognize your brothers. Everyone you meet.” Her cheerful bouncing had stopped totally and Alice’s voice was as powerful as the message the lyrics hoped to send. “Why in the world are we here? Surely not to live in pain and fear. Why on earth are you there? When you’re everywhere? Come and get your share.”

Then, like a ray of sun coming through dark storm clouds, Alice’s face broke out in a smile and she began bouncing up as high as ever. “Well, we all shine on! Like the moon and the stars and the sun! Yeah, we all shine on!” Nodding and shaking her head happily while pumping her fists, Alice felt herself fill with hope just like she always did when singing this song. “Come on and on and on on on! Yeah, alright, uh huh… well, we all shine on! Like the moon and the stars and the sun! Yeah, we all shine on! On and on and on on and on…”

“Well, we all shine on. Like the moon and the stars and the sun,” Alice sang, her voice fading with the song and plopping onto the couch, she sighed heavily and rested her head back. Waiting for her breathing to calm, Alice murmured, “Gotta love Lennon. Thanks for the music, man.”

Flopping sideways and sinking boneless onto the couch’s plush goodness, Alice felt her body joyfully relax. Then only a few moments later, the loudest knock ever to knock on her door sounded and instantly she sprung into an upright sitting position. Tugging the worn cardigan jacket that was among the precious possessions she had of her late father closer around her body, Alice puttered to the door and looked through the peephole.

There stood Dana Fairbanks. The Dana Fairbanks she wanted. The Dana Fairbanks she loved. The Dana Fairbanks she was in love with. There she stood, not looking like any of those women that Alice had just listed. The person she was currently peeping at didn’t have anything in common with her Dana Fairbanks because the face of that woman was determined but not cute with determination or ***** or even irritating it was cold. And the Dana Fairbanks that Alice knew was never cold. That wasn’t who she was, not by any small portion of her personality.

Hesitantly, Alice opened the door and needing support, she then leaned on its frame as she locked eyes with the unknown version of Dana that was now in front of her. “Hey,” she started off cautiously, unsure of what was about to come.

“Hey,” Dana replied just as cautiously, her voice soft and shy.

With this, Alice felt a huge wave of relief wash over her. This didn’t look like her Dana but it sounded like her Dana and that helped put her at ease. Smiling happily, she took Dana’s hand in her own and pulled her inside the apartment. Fully ready to deal with the ramifications of last night and, if needed, announce her intention to win the battle for Dana’s heart.

Meanwhile, Dana was trying her damndest to maintain the emotional wall she had been forming during the drive there that started to crumble the moment she heard Alice singing along to John Lennon’s Instant Karma through the door. She knew what that song meant to Alice and how she only sang it on bad days… really bad days. How the song always made Alice feel better, gave her courage to fight for what she wanted, and made her press on. For Alice to be singing that song meant she truly did feel something for Dana and that’s why she took action last night. That alone was enough for Dana to lose her conviction but then she saw Alice was wearing the cardigan that belonged to her father. She knew how much Alice cherished that sweater jacket, far more than any other piece of clothing despite the fact that she called it the Mr. Roger’s ensemble from the 1970s, and complained about how it was missing two buttons with the lone button that it did have hanging on by one ugly orange thread. Dana also knew that Alice wore it when she needed to feel comforted in a way that only a father could provide for his daughter.

And then there was Alice herself, her hair disheveled, no doubt from the bouncing Dana was sure she’d been doing during her sing along with John Lennon, her arms wrapped around her body as if to protect herself from potential harm, her feet rocking front to back from nervous energy, and her eyes… those endless brown eyes deep enough that Dana thought she might drown in them, were darting nervously up at her every other second exactly like they had last night.

God, how Dana loved her.

“We need to talk,” said Dana quietly, inwardly cursing herself for stating what was more than obvious. Squeezing her eyes shut from the sight of Alice who was endearing herself more and more to Dana with every passing moment, she bit out, “I need to know why you kissed me, Al.”

Silence.

Nothing but long echoing horrible silence and just as Dana began to lose hope for a reply, the softest hands she ever felt were gently holding her face. Opening her eyes without any personal volition, Dana found herself lost in Alice’s brown gaze just as she feared happening earlier. An affectionate smile curved on full lips and spread to the blonde’s features, lighting her beautifully.

“I kissed you because I love you,” murmured Alice, voice full of sincerity but laced with a passion that couldn’t be denied. Tears formed and she laughed wryly, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand before reaching up to cup Dana’s face again. “I’m in love with you, Dana. That’s why I kissed you and that’s why you can’t marry Tonya.”

Another pause as Dana absorbed this but she was distracted by Alice’s joyful burst of relieved laughter. Upon seeing Dana’s confused frown, Alice whistled and spun her finger around at her head then said, “I know! I know! I seem insane but I didn’t think I’d be able to tell you!” Releasing a huge whoosh of air, Alice plopped down on her couch and smiled sweetly up at Dana. “But I have and I guess the hardest part is done. Unless you’re going to fight me on this,” she said this quietly now, her tone showing a certain trepidation. “You do believe me, don’t you, Dane? I’d never lie to you… not about this. *****,” Alice laughed loudly and nervously. “I don’t think I’ve ever lied to you. Well, maybe about you looking nice in a sundress once, twice, thrice, or umpteen times.”

“You think I don’t look nice in sundresses?” asked Dana, unable to keep the pout of her voice and expression. Alice always gave her the best compliments when she wore one it seemed impossible they were all lies.

“Dane, I think it’s pretty obvious that I always think you look nice,” Alice drawled and she waggled her eyebrows in a silly yet provocative motion that made Dana giggle before she could stop herself. “But no, I don’t think sundresses are your gig. A ***** black evening gown, ohhh,” she clucked her tongue and smiled mischievously, leaning back into the couch. “That’s so Miss Dana.”

“Thanks, Al,” said Dana quietly, lost in how good it felt to hear Alice say something like that. Then again, she always felt good with Alice. That was why she loved her, after all.

“I love you, Alice.”

Blinking and looking around in a confused motion as if searching for the person who had just voiced her emotions, Dana’s eyes finally rested on Alice who smiled wryly at her. “That’s all you have to say, Dane. If you feel the same about me as I do about you then please tell me,” said Alice in a restrained plea. “And if you don’t then, *****, please tell me that too! I need to know either way. Just like I need to know why you’d want to marry someone like Tonya.”

“Someone like Tonya?” Dana echoed, the warning evident in her tones as she formed a severe frown. “What is that supposed to mean? I shouldn’t want to marry someone who obviously has no problem admitting how much she admires me? Someone who will freely tell anyone that she loves me? Why shouldn’t I want to marry someone who’s proud to be with me?”

“Because it’s not real!” replied Alice in an irritated shout, unable to take anymore of the Tonya compliments festival. “It’s all an act, Dane! She’s trying to get you to fall for her fast as she possibly can before you wake up and smell the day old instant coffee! She’s wormed her way into your life and bed in a matter of hours and now she’s hooked you into committing your future to her. That’s just twisted and wrong and you know it.”

“Someone wanting to marry me is twisted and wrong?” scoffed Dana, folding her arms over her chest. Shaking her head, she laughed and said mockingly, “Yeah you love me, Al. I can really feel all that emotion in your disbelief that Tonya would actually love me.”

“Oh god, honey, that’s not it,” Alice said desperately, rising to her feet and reaching out to Dana only to be pushed away. Letting her arms hang limp at her sides, Alice tried to get Dana to meet her eyes and when she finally did, she then said softly, “I believe she loves you. I also believe she loves you for the wrong reasons. She loves what she’s created to be Dana Fairbanks in her own mind and not who you really are. That’s what kills me, Dane. I love YOU,” Alice forcefully declared, moving to clasp Dana’s arms and locking their eyes, her gaze was filled with an ardent resolve. “I love everything about you. The way you spoiled Mr. Piddles, bought him those weird outfits to wear for your annual Christmas cards, how you can’t stop sneezing anytime you go inside a store that sells fresh linens, I even love your strange affection for anything that’s animated in the realm of TV and movies.” Setting her jaw and cupping Dana’s face, Alice murmured, “But I don’t believe that’s who Tonya loves. She loves Dana Fairbanks, professional tennis player. The face of Subaru, recently outed *****, and newest addition to the sports celebrity circuit.”

They remained frozen like that, Alice holding Dana kind and soft, just as she had done so many times before and Dana letting her. Then she shook her head, moved backwards, averting her eyes while she said brokenly, “Maybe that’s true but I still can’t be with you.”

“Why?” asked Alice just as brokenly.

“What?” replied Dana, darting her eyes to the door and wishing that she was moving through it already. She couldn’t take much more of this. It was a million times harder than she ever imagined it being and it was breaking her.

“Why can’t you be with me?” demanded Alice, moving to Dana who automatically began side stepping the blonde anxiously. Frowning at this, she then said, “What the *****, Dane?! You can’t even stand me being near you now? What’s this all about?”

“I can’t be with you,” repeated Dana, unable to say anything else for fear of giving Alice her true reasoning behind this mindset. “That should be good enough for you.” Meeting their eyes, she said desperately, “Can’t we forget about this? Go back to how it was before? I need that, Al. I need to know that won’t change. That you’ll always be there for me.”

That was when the light went on in Alice’s head and it shone through deep brown eyes as she neared Dana, a knowing tone in her voice as she spoke. “That’s why,” she said in a type of awed wonder. “That’s why you’re doing this. You’re afraid if we date then we’ll break up and I won’t be there for you anymore. That I’ll leave you like other people have.”

In a moment of dismal humor, Dana realized she was witnessing one of the reasons Alice made such a good journalist. Then she realized she had to get out of there before anymore of her secrets were ferreted to the surface by her inquisitive love interest. “I have to leave,” she insisted, turning away from the blonde and heading for the door. Only she was stopped by the soft hands she felt touch her gently so many times before hold her arm in an almost aggressive gesture. Though she knew she could easily break away, something stopped Dana. Perhaps the knowledge that it was Alice doing this. “Please let go,” Dana was almost begging. “I have to leave.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Alice’s voice shook with the emotion it reflected and Dana felt those soft hands wrap around her waist as Alice pressed her face against her shoulders. “I would never do that to you, Dana. I wouldn’t leave you, I couldn’t. I need the same thing you do… I need for you to always be there for me.” A pleasurable shudder ran through Dana when she felt the press of velvet lips against the back of her neck. “I know you’re scared,” she confessed in a whisper. “I’m scared too but don’t you think that it’s worth being scared to have this?”

Trembling as Alice’s lips trailed down her neck and under her chin while the blonde moved to face her, Dana said hoarsely, “I don’t know. To have what exactly?”

“This,” Alice whispered again to then meet their lips for a kiss.

Nothing could be better than that monumental four a.m. kiss in either of their minds but this was a close second. It was tender and fierce, expressing the depths of their passion, it was longing and frantic, showing the torn emotions from the change in their relationship, it was happy and sad, much like they were at that moment. Over and over, their lips met for kiss after kiss, moaning into to each other and pressing as close as their bodies could possibly allow, they kept going because they knew what would happen when they stopped. Reality would set in and this perfect joy would end.

The problem with endings is they always happen and there isn’t anything you can do to avoid it. So the kiss did end and reality came charging to the front in the form of Dana backing away from Alice with wide eyes, left hand over her mouth. Touching it as if it had been burned, seared through with Alice’s kiss and perhaps it had. Certainly Alice’s kisses touched her deeper than any others before.

“I can’t do this,” Dana sobbed into her hand, reaching clumsily backwards for the ***** to the front door with the other. “I’m sorry, Al. I can’t do this… I can’t risk it.”

Shut.

Not a slam, not a bang, not even a whump, thought Alice. The woman that she loved probably more than anyone else in her short life simply shut the door after breaking her heart. Well, not breaking. Her heart was still beating so it wasn’t broken. Dana had poked it maliciously causing it to ache bad enough that she thought it might soon end up broken.

Sighing heavily, Alice flopped down on the couch and rested her head back once again and thinking of last night, she said in grim observation, “I guess it was her turn to run away.”


To be continued…