Bette looked at Tina and said, Its up to you Baby, Ill go with whatever you say. I love you and I wont do anything that will hurt you or make you uncomfortable.

Im ok with this. I love you too and Ill wait for you outside. Tina gave Bette a quick kiss and then turned back to Candace. I hope you recover quickly and can get out of here soon. Bye.

When Tina left, the easy atmosphere seemed to leave with her. Candace asked, Well, now that we are all alone, do you want to take off the kid gloves and put on the leather boxing gloves? We can go a few rounds.

Bette replied, I think maybe after you have recuperated. I would have too much of an advantage at this point. Seriously though, how are you feeling? How is your head? I have a few things I would like to say, but it can wait if you dont think you are up to it.

Surprisingly, I feel pretty good and very happy to be alive. Although my head has a dull throbbing, I think I can listen for a while. I also have a few things I need to say to you.

All right, Im glad you are up to talking. I want to say this while I have the courage. Ok if I start? Bette asked.

Fire when ready.

Ok, the first thing I want to do is apologize. I blamed you for the breakup of my relationship with Tina, and that was unfair. I am the only one to blame. I was unhappy and you obviously picked up on those feelings. You did not force me into anything. Actually, you told me what you were going to do and left me with the decision of whether to stop you or not. I chose not to. I not only allowed you to kiss me, I returned that kiss. You are the one who felt how unsure I was in that moment and drew away, giving me the opportunity to stop with just that kiss. Although I did stop at that point and was able to fight my emotions for a while, it was an uphill battle for me.

When we ended up in jail, and I voiced my concerns, you again were the one who came up with different things to divert my mind from where it kept going. I, once again, was the one to lose control, the one who actually instigated that mind *****. I felt so guilty for allowing myself to lose control, knowing that even though I never actually touched you, it was still a form of cheating on Tina. It was just easier to blame you and to be angry with you for that whole scenario.

On that fateful day when you drove up and I jumped into your car, I knew where it would lead. I knew you would do whatever I asked. If I said no, it would be no. The only problem was that my mind kept saying YES. I couldnt stop myself. In seven years with Tina, that had never been a problem. I never even had those types of thoughts let alone followed through on any. I should have talked with Tina to resolve whatever problems we were having. But I wasnt dealing with the problems in my relationship, I was running from them, and in doing so, I created even more problems, both for myself and for you. I was sending you mixed signals. I dont know why you didnt just tell me to ***** off. But you didnt. You gave me what I needed, and I hated you for that. I hated myself for that!

Even after that day, I told myself that was it! No more! But I just couldnt stop. I would think of you and I was fine. Then the minute I saw you, I couldnt control my body. It was on fire and I needed you to ***** me. You were a willing pawn in my road trip to *****.

I was trying to control everything in my life, every situation, and trying to be strong for Tina because I thought she wasnt strong enough to deal with what life had handed us. As it turned out, she was the strong one. I was the one who was losing myself. You were strong, so I allowed myself to be weak. I was tired of being in control, tired of trying to keep it all together. So I gave up control and gave into my urges. I turned to you, hoping to regain control of my body and mind, and only ending up losing even more of myself.

I didnt have the strength to stop seeing you, to tell Tina, but she knows me so well. All she had to do was see us together and she knew! I didnt try to hide it from her any longer. I just fell apart and asked her not to hate me, to continue to love me, even though I knew I had hurt her so badly that it would be even beyond her capacity to do so.

Tina left me and once again I blamed you. I took all my anger at myself and lashed out at you. I did what I thought would make Tina see how much I loved her. I got you out of my mind and out of my life. I was once again in control. Bette could fix this. Bette would get rid of this interference in her relationship, the cause of her breakup. I didnt care about your feelings or emotions. I didnt see it was me that had destroyed everything in my life. I didnt care about anything or anyone. I just wanted Tina back.

I have finally realized it is not your fault. You were just there at the weakest point in my life, and I used you. I used you and then threw you away without any consideration of the fact that you were a human being and deserved better. I didnt consider what this would do to you, and for that I am truly sorry.

I knew that I would have to resolve my feelings for you, and I have finally done so. I really like you Candace, but I dont love you. I know I never did. I had lust for you and I am glad to say that it is gone. Again I am sorry for using you that way.

I have somehow managed to convince Tina that I love her, only her. We have our relationship back on track, and I finally have my head back where it belongs, on Tina and out of my *****! I am so glad to see that you have moved on and are happy with Mikela. I only want the best for you. She really cares about you and that is something that everybody needs in her, or even his, life. Take advantage of that fact. Dont throw love away because it is just too precious to lose once you find it.

I apologize for doing all that I have done to you, and I hope that someday you can let yourself forgive me. I guess that is really all I have to say.

Ok Slugger, your turn. Hit me with your best shot. I deserve it.

Candace had tears in her eyes. Bette, I dont know what to say. I really appreciate everything that you have said. I do have some things to say to you also. I would appreciate it if you would listen to everything I have to say before you blast me, because I really need to get this out. Will you do that for me?

Bette looked a little puzzled, but replied, Of course Candace.

Candace looked at her for a few moments and then took a deep breath and slowly let it out. First of all, I want to tell you that I do not have the HIV virus. I never did.



**No, I did not sell out. You can believe it or not, but this is exactly how I imagined this story back when I first had the HIV virus idea. It was an idea to keep people aware of the risks that are out there and the need for safe *****, as well as the fact that devices are available to help with the safe ***** issue. Yes the risks in woman/woman ***** exist.