Bette knelt there for a long time. What just happened? Tina was here, holding her, kissing her and Bette thought they were on the verge of a reconciliation. Then, the look, that stricken look of pain and grief on Tina’s face, was to Bette, as if someone plunged a knife into her stomach. Then, Tina running away, she couldn’t have run any faster to try to get away from her, that never happened before. It was at this moment, that the full weight of what she did finally hit her. How her infidelity, her chase of thrills and excitement, had completely destroyed the feelings of Love and Trust that Tina had for her. Bette never felt such acute pain or anguish before, or, such loss. She stared around the room, at the beautiful music box, their table settings and the flowers. Tina loved flowers in combination and Bette had picked these out herself. Then, in a fit of rage and despair, she picked up the vase and through it against the wall, and as it shattered, so did her heart within.

“Tina – Tina – Tina” was the only sound ringing in her ears, but she couldn’t go back, Bette’s voice filling all her senses. Tina just felt suffocated in that house, physically sick when she thought of Bette and Candace. How did Bette kiss her? Touch her? What did Candace do to Bette, on any level, that Tina couldn’t do? These thoughts plagued her and she tried to replay the last few months of their relationship. Tina knew things weren’t going well for a long time, and in some ways, hoped that having a baby was the answer. But was this what Bette also wanted? Did they really talk about their problems or just try to find patchwork solutions? When Tina stopped working and Bette’s job became more demanding – they seemed to have drifted away from one another – but neither having the courage to really face each other – even though they were forever in therapy.

Tina wasn’t trying to justify Bette’s behavior, only trying to understand what happened between the two of them. Tina did not want to lose Bette, she really loved her and knew that Bette felt the same. Tina saw all the work Bette was doing on herself, Tina, thought, “maybe I need to do some work on myself”. Tina pulled over to the side of the road, she was exhausted and her head was beginning to ache, she just needed a few minutes to sit and rest. On the radio, Sara Evans began to sing:

Can’t imagine any greater fear, then waking up without you here. Although the sun would still shine on, but my whole world would all be gone, but not for long, (chorus) If I had to run, if I had to crawl, if I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls, always know that I would find a way to get to where you are, there’s no place that far. (end of chorus) It wouldn’t matter why wer’re apart, lonely miles, two stubborn hearts, nothing short of God above, could turn me away from your Love, I need you that much (chorus)

Tina then thought that the rivers and walls she needed to swim and climb were the protective ones she put around her heart, so that she wouldn’t feel anymore. But it wasn’t working, each time she saw Bette and even when she didn’t, she always felt her within her heart.

When Tina got home, she was glad Alice wasn’t there, she wanted to be alone and didn’t want to explain what happened. It was 11pm – she had already packed, so she was just waiting for her time to leave. As she tried to sleep, thoughts of Bette overtook her, how was she? how was she feeling? coping? Tina tried to call, but no answer, not on her regular phone and not on her cell. Tina was worried, she knew Bette was probably ok, but wanted to be sure. 1am – Tina headed out over to Bette’s.

When Tina came in, she saw the glass all over the floor and the table hadn’t been cleared. When she walked into their bedroom, Bette was lying there, asleep, with streaks of her tears and make-up all over her white suit. Tina sat next to Bette and gently stroked her face. Tina “Bette, are you ok?” Bette “yes, I’m fine” Tina “What happened ou there?” Bette “I threw the vase against the wall, I’m sorry, I ruined your flowers” Tina “Bette, its ok, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about – Bette put her fingers on Tina’s lips, she didn’t want to hear Tina say that she was leaving her for good, which she felt was coming. Bette “Tina, I don’t want to talk anymore, I know that you are leaving tomorrow, could you please just hold me, that’s how I want to remember you, remember our last time together”. Tina just nodded, she didn’t know what to say to Bette to clarify that this wasn’t there last time together, she knew the words would come eventually, just not now. Tina gathered Bette into her arms and feeling this once strong woman, now, so delicate and fragile, broke her heart. Tina could feel Bette’s heart beating so fast and her hold on Tina, one of desperation, as if she was holding on to a lifeboat.

Tina maneuvered her body and lay down on tip of Bette. It always amazed her how their bodies just seemed perfect together. Tina buried her head in Bette’s neck, her hair – she loved the way she smelled, but didn’t want to start anything that she couldn’t finish – she couldn’t put either one of them through that again. Tina felt Bette’s hands hold tightly onto her, and , after some time, her grip loosened, and she trailed Tina’s back and finally settled her hands on the small of Tina’s back.

They lay together for a long time, each one taking in the other’s fragrance and softness of their skin. They hadn’t been this physically close in so many months, it felt right, for both of them. Bette, was just so grateful to have this time with Tina and Tina was so happy that she could be this close to Bette, and want to be there.

Again, images started to come into Tina’s being – but not the ones of demons – the ones of angels. When her angel went out to get her a slurpee in the middle of the night, when the care basket arrived from NY, when, in a moment’s notice, Bette had dropped everything to come home and check on her when she thought her and the baby were in trouble. Most vivid, though, and most important, was when Bette held her throughout the night when she first lost their baby. Bette never left her side, held her close and told her repeatedly how much she loved her. That night, Bette’s love was so gentle, so pure, Tina never felt more loved or cherished in her whole life. This was her angel, Bette. This was the woman she loved, who she would swim rivers for and climb walls for – just to get to her. Truly, there was no place that far.

Finally, Tina looked at Bette, whose eyes were so swollen from crying and whose being was so worn and weak from all they had been through. Tina “Bette, I need to tell you something” Bette “Please, Tina, do you have to say it now?” Tina “Yes, I do” Bette “What is it?” and Bette braced herself for the worst, Tina could feel her tensing under her. Tina “Bette, I really love you, you have my heart, and when I get back from Chicago, I want to come home” Bette just stared at her in amazement, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. Bette “Are you sure?” Tina “The only thing I’m sure of is my Love for you, I don’t want to be without you anymore. Bette, you are the Love of my Life. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you and I know I never will again. I adore you, I cherish you and I want to be with you always.
Tina then reached in and kissed Bette with so much Love, Passion and most importantly, Hope for their future.