Blinking hard I slowly begin to focus on Bettes face, which in fact reflects her statement, shes definitely mystified. Though unintentional, my tone is a little harsh, but its reflective of my shock and surprise of her declaration, Shag carpeting Bette, youre a little older than me so Im certain you must have seen it before.

Bette continues to stare at me unable to speak, Fine, I was really little, but I remember my mom using a garden rake on the carpet in the living room. For the longest time growing up I thought it was some silly little thing that Id imagined, but it was in fact true Bette. After she vacuumed the carpet she would rake it to make the strands stand tall.

Still holding her wifes stare, Mystified babe, still completely mystified

I shake my head a little to clear my thoughts, Its my memory Bette. Its the first thing that comes to mind when I think of my mother – raking the carpet, not hot chocolate and intimate discussions after school, but raking the ***** carpet! Tears begin to flood my eyes.

God, Bette, dont you get it, I dont want my child to remember something stupid like that. I dont want to be the mom who rakes the carpet!

Pulling me close, she encourages my head to rest upon her chest, as she begins stroking my cheek, Jesus Tina, you are going to kill me one of these days. Is this really whats bothering you?

I nod my head and begin wiping at my face to dry my tears.

Baby, she chuckles, Then I promise, well never have shag carpeting will that help?

I sit up again, flashing her a warning look, Bette, dont make fun of this this is real.

Sympathetically she takes my face between her hands and places a few gentle kisses on my forehead and nose, Okay, I get it T, its real. Looking directly into my soggy eyes, lets talk about this, okay?

Clearing my throat, Okay. I whimper.

Easing me back down against her body, she re-wraps me with her protective arms and sighs heavily into my hair, Okay she begins in a calm and even voice, Over the years weve had conversations about having a family, and youve always seemed excited and willing, but understanding that things can change, I need to know from you now Tina, do you want to have children with me?

Tears once again spill from my eyes and run the length of my cheeks, Oh God, yes Bette, of course I want to have a family with you I I just

Shhh, okay. She cuts me off and hugs me tighter against her. I can feel her heart racing against my back, T, your heart is about to bounce out of your chest! she states causing me to burst into blubbering laughter.

What? Whats so funny?

Id just noticed how fast your heart was beating too, and then you mentioned mine.

Maybe its not yours and its not mine, but its ours – hmmm? Maybe its one heart, full of love and desire and adoration that beats between us.

We sit in silence again. I snuggle further into her, allowing her body to wrap tighter around me, engulfing me in her warmth and love. I watch the fire as it continues to dance and warm our house our home. My mind is spinning with thoughts of how our lives will change if we bring a child into the fold. I lazily dream about how it would feel to hold a sleeping baby in my arms or a nursing baby to my breast. I imagine a toddler running through the house giggling and playing. My eyes drift shut and I revel in the comfort and safety I feel in this womans arms, my wife and yes, the mother of our children.

Hey, I whisper as I slightly shift my body against hers, I want to have our baby Bette. I want to be a mommy with you and I want more than anything to be the birth mother of our child our children.

A deep ragged breath escapes her lips and she asks weakly, Are you sure T?

I nod, unable to speak at the moment. Then with a cleansing breath, this has been our plan all along and though we never actually decided who would carry the baby, we knew that we would be parents together. And honestly, I like the idea of being your pregnant wife.

Taking a moment to catch her breath, Bette attempts to check her emotions before speaking, Then what was all that stuff about shag carpeting? A silly smile takes hold of her soft lips, Cause honestly T, I really didnt get it, I only said that I did to calm you down.

Pursing my lips and closing my eyes I pull deep from within myself in order to admit, Im scared Bette. I know that I want a family with you. I know that youll be a wonderful mother, but Im not so sure about me. My throat, suddenly dry and clenched wont release my words. I swallow hard, clearing a path for my declaration, I didnt have a very happy childhood Bette. I was afraid, Im still afraid I dont want to *****-up someone elses life Tears trickle from my eyes soaking my skin and dripping from my chin as I allow my fear to grab hold of me and shake me to my core.

Oh Tina, Bette sits up suddenly bringing me with her. She moves from the sofa and kneels before me and clasps her warm hands around my face, forcing me to look directly at her, sweetheart, you are loving, and caring, and warm-hearted and nurturing and affectionate and a thousand other wonderful things despite what you went through growing up. Youre already an amazing woman and a fantastic wife. I have no doubt that you are going to be an exceptional mother please baby, try to trust me on this.

I allow myself to surrender to her as I fall forward Bette supports me against her body where I sob uncontrollably, cleansing my soul of the sadness and fear that has surrounded me for years.