I went home and decided to take some clothes and Tinas toothbrush back to her at the hotel. I didnt want to take everything because I didnt want to give the impression I wanted her to go but I didnt want her to be without anything. So I just left them by the, I didnt knock or anything. I went home and I must have been exhausted because I went to sleep in the bed Tina had been sleeping in and didnt give it a thought. I woke up and it was broad daylight with the sun shinning in through the windows. I decided it was time to get things back on track, for me at least. I didnt want to try and make Tina do something she didnt want to do, so I decided to just leave a simple message on her cell saying Id like to keep trying to sort things out but if doesnt want that I would respect it. I only called the once. I pottered around for most of the morning thinking about how to give my days structure. Tina hadnt been here for that long but it seemed to disrupt my routine, in a good way but since she is not here I need to move forward and make some plans. I had a light lunch and decided to go for a long walk. A walk in the sun and on the white sand. I promised myself I would not cry once today, at least during the day, nights were always the worst. So far Id kept my promise to myself. One for Bette, havent kept any promises to Tina. I walked for a couple of hours, stopped here and there to look around and take things in, but the afternoons here can be very hot so I made my back to the house. As I got closer I could see a figure a sitting on the sand, it looked like Tina. Perhaps the day would be harder than I thought, my mind is playing tricks. But as I got closer, I could see it is Tina, simply sitting on the same blanket I do looking out into the ocean. She looked beautiful with the breeze blowing ever so slightly through her hair, pulling her knees up as much as she could and her arms wrapped around them. I approached, she didnt turn around or speak Tee, what are you doing here, how did you get here. Tina just patted the blanket indicating I should sit. I did just that, sat and stopped talking.
Tina : Beautiful isnt it Bette, the ocean ?
Bette : My instincts told me to follow this conversation, let her take the lead. Yes, it is
Tina : Bette, I dont want to leave out of anger, if we are finished I want us to agree we are finished, not rush off in anger. Us, me, you being angry has bought so many negative things into our life. I dont want that anymore Bette
Bette : Neither do I Tina
Tina : Thank you for the flowers, the apology and dropping some clothes and understanding Bette that yesterday, after what happened I needed some space
Bette : Tina, are you going home ?
Tina : I dont know Bette, me not wanting to and you not wanting me to is not enough.
Bette : Can we talk about yesterday ? When you are ready
Tina : Yes, Bette I think we should about it now, sooner rather than later. Later hasnt worked so well
Bette : Obviously Id like to apologise, I was way out of line Tee. It wont happen again
Tina : Yes Bette, you were. There will be no more hitting of anyone. It stops here Bette. If it happens again we are over because that is not good for either of us. I wont live like that. I am sorry I hit you Bette but I didnt feel I had a choice
Bette No, its OK Tee, really. Im sorry I got so jealous about Helena but really it was me feeling insecure and not good enough for you. I know you had every right to have a relationship with Helena, I guess I just always thought of you as still my wife. I dont really want to know the details. I was just mean to you. I see that all the movement forward we have made can be undone so easily. Tee I really enjoyed being with you yesterday and began to feel so close to you and I guess I just wasnt prepared. I am not saying that to justify my actions, please it is not an excuse. I was just caught off guard my the depth of what I felt, closeness, confusion, jealously, anger. I will work on my implusiveness.
Tina : OK Bette, heres the deal. I appreciate your honesty just now and the gestures you made last night but it is strictly hands off OK ?
Bette : Of course, never again Tee
Tina : I think we should talk about some things if I am going to hang about, like sleeping arrangements. Bette I did not mean to confuse you before, I just thought we were taking things slowly
Bette : Tee, I know, it was for the best
Tina : Bette, I think maybe you should move into the bedroom I am sleeping in. No funny business Bette, but we could try sleeping together. You cant be getting much sleep on the couch. Id like you to get to know our child Bette.
Bette : Tee, do you really feel comfortable with that, especially after yesterday. I dont want you to feel pressured.
Tina : Bette, I asked you, I dont feel pressured. Id like to look at the stars with you
Bette : Are you staying Tee ?
Tina : Yes Bette, for the two weeks we agreed. We are going to work this out
Tina rested her head on my shoulder and I took the opportunity to scoop her into my arms. I wont make the same mistake twice.