[UNCONDITIONAL: without restrictions or conditions; absolute]

[LOVE: a strong liking – a passionate affection for someone or something]

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BLIP . . . . BLIP . . . . BLIP . . . . The constant steady beeping sound coming from the machine beside my bed was annoying to the point of being distracting. I found it hard to concentrate on the sight in front of me as I turned my head to the side and watched a the green line stream across the screen, rising each time the blipping sound occurred.

{***** – WORSE THAN A CHINESE WATER TORTURE – SHUT THE ***** UP YOU MISERABLE METAL MEDICAL CONTRAPTION, GEEEZZUS}

And that smell . . .that distinctive aroma of Coppertone mixed with sun-drenched sweat, salty air and sun filled sea breezes was definitely NOT filling my senses. No siree, not nowthat heavenly, utopian like smell I had been experiencing for the past few days was suddenly replaced by the unmistakable stench of medicinal cleaners, of drug store prescriptions, of hospital antiseptic odors. My fall from grace had landed me in County General -just a step above ***** on earth. But that was not concerning me at the moment.

I turned my head back to the sight I had first encountered when I opened my eyes ignoring the disturbing sounds which diverted my attention. Despite not being able to focus my eyes completely, I could see her – I could definitely see her through the tinted rectangular window on the wall at the end of the bed. I could see her through the slatted mini blinds and the backword lettering UCC TINU ERAC LACITIRC , I could see her standing in a hallway. . . K . . . I mouthed the words to call out to her but to no avail. My bottom lip was swollen and sore, my mouth and tongue dry as the Arizona desert. I tried to lift my hand to wave to her – again to no avail as it was heavily taped and connected to several plastic tubes.

She was obviously distraught and dissheveled wiping away the tears from her cheek and the drips from her nose with the back of her hand on the sleeve of her oversized hoodie. Her wild Shane-like hair spattered with woodchips and sawdust, plastic safety goggles atop her head.

The need to touch her, to brush the dust from her hair, to hold her close, to whisper in her ear that everything was fine created an ache in my chest that no heart attack could match – I felt as if I were dying all over again. There she stood – the woman whose affection I had dodged for years, the person to whom I had entrusted the deepest, darkest secrets of my soul, the lover to whom I had given my heart, a heart now damaged by my senseless, selfish, self-indulgent way of life. What was I thinking all these months, these years how could I have wasted all those precious moments not spending time with her – how could I be so careless with my health-what the ***** was I thinking.. But despite my wallowing in self-pity, it was truly K who seemed to be in need of critical care at the moment.

I watched her as she crossed her arms and appeared to be hugging herself tightly as she spoke to our neighbor Richard Smallwood who apparently was dressed for some type of costume party. Wearing a fringed vest with no shirt underneath, a cowboy hat and a matching pair of chaps, thankfully with some type of skin tight jeans or leotard underneath, he spoke to K as she nodded her head in agreement several times looking away as if she were unable to speak. Of all the people to be with K at this time, why Richard was there was a mystery but one I felt I knew the answer to – my memory -just a bit foggy .

As I intently studied them outside the window, I strained to listen but it wasnt their voices I heard. No, the muffled words of a conversation I was hearing was coming from inside the room just behind my bed and out of my view.

You know, girlfriend, the longer you put this off the more miserable you will be, I heard one of them say. and I for one, do not want to be working day in and day out with some sourpuss, pouting ***** white girl who cant come out to her parents about her lover and soon to be wife. Uh uh, oh no, no way, little sister. You get your sorry ***** over to their house for dinner, drag that woman of yours along and tell them straight up – no pun intended.

I heard the older woman slap the younger one on the back and laugh hysterically at her poor attempt of humor.

Turning my head again slightly so I could see the two women engaged in this conversation I started to speak. My attention to K once again interrupted and distracted as I seemed unable to keep my mind on the task at hand.

You know, Dana was in a similar situation, although she didnt have a lover -soon-to-be-wife at the time she was trying to come out to her parents. Actually, that happened a few episodes later, the lover soon to be wife thing, I mean, when she announced her engagement in front of all of her friends at her cats funeral and all. But believe me, she was going through the same struggle you are now but the support of friends at this time is so important and comforting that it will help make the revelation to your folks just a little less painful. Really, trust me, if Dana of all people could do it so can you.

The two women were looking at me, mouths agape, as if I were some kind of moron – – a look I was quite accustomed to. They were both dressed in seasonal scrubs – the younger, attractive white girl (a Bridget Fonda clone) in an orange smock with turkeys and the older, seasoned veteran black woman (reminded me of Oprah) donning the traditional green with pilgrims and native Americans. For a brief moment they appeared to be in some state of shock, stunned at the sound of my voice.

What? I asked returning that look of surprise right back at them. please dont tell me you dont know about Danas situation. You live in a cave? Dont get out much? WHAT ARE YOU TWO LOOKING AT?

They both stared at me, then at each other and then began to scream, which made me scream, which in turn made them scream a second time grabbing each others elbow for support as they jumped up and down. SHES ALIVE — SHES ALIVE they cackled in their scary best Vincent Price voices. You would have thought someone died and had risen from the dead they way those two nitwits were carrying on..

The screaming was immediately replaced by an original tune, one whose melody reminded me of Queens Another One Bites The Dust, as the two women began harmonizing and high fiving and doe si doe-ing around my bed.

Another one saved by us . . .oh, another one lives, and another one lives, . . . Another one saved by us . . .

What in the ***** is going on around here? I asked as I tried to sit up to no avail. My throat and mouth were still dry and I wondered if they had heard anything I just said about helping the younger nurse come out to her folks.

Are two ***** nuts? Do you think I could break up your little dance of delight to bother you for a glass of water? I was most definitely perturbed, annoyed and disgusted even though I was thoroughly enjoying myself.

Oh honey, sure thing, you just relax and let us take care of you, the older woman walked to the side of the bed and poured a cup of very cold water for me.

Girl, I know you are thirsty, but I want you to just swish the water around in there to get out that dried up feeling in your mouth, then spit it out in the plastic container here. Be like a virgin giving head for the first time and dont swallow

She held the straw which was in the cup to my mouth and I did as she requested even though I thought I could drink several gallons of that stuff right then. I swished the water around in my mouth, relieving the thirst and shrinking the sweaters which had formed on my tongue and teeth. I was feeling a little better with each passing moment.

Thank you Oprah, I said, grateful for the drink. So why all the festive fuss?

Again the two women exchanged glances and the older one took the initiative and began detailing my predicament.

Dont you know where you are, honey, she inquired amusingly as she grabbed my wrist to take my pulse. Have you no clue what happened or how you got here or what you just been through?

Her concern for my memory startled me into thinking hard and fast. I knew I wasnt in Kansas anymore and I certainly knew that heaven was a dream away. The last thing I remember was lying on a lounge chair reading FAN FIC stories and taking notes for my next scheduled visit with my companys shrink Dr. Repp, a therapist I was required to see because my employers thought there was trouble in my life resulting in poor job performance.

I turned away from the two women in nurses uniforms and watched K through the window now talking to a very tall, athletic, stunning woman doctor – a crisp white lab coat covering her surgical scrubs and a traditional stethoscope dangling around her neck.

I remember it was Sunday, my favorite day of the week. I remember my neighbor Richard coming to visit, dressed I in the same outfit he was wearing now – looking like a rodeo stud. He was dragging our pervert border collie Elvis by the scruff of his neck – returning the peeping tom prodigal pup caught spying on him and his husband.

The thought of Richard half naked pulling my dog across the driveway made me laugh along with the two women hovering near my bed. Seems I have been recalling the events of Sunday out loud for all in the room to hear. I didnt care, I just kept talking as the memories came rushing back, trying to put the pieces of that day back together and figure out what happened, where I was, and why.

I remember K asking me to help her in her workshop after breakfast. I told her no because I had work to do.

What did you have to eat. the younger nurse asked me. For breakfast? Do you remember what you had to eat.?

Gawd that was an easy one. Oh yea, I said. My usual Sunday fare of Fruit Loops with chocolate milk on them, a couple of donuts and a Dew.

A Dew? they both asked in unison.

Duh, MOUNTAIN Dew, the soft drink. Jeez you two really are sheltered.

I watched them as they once again exchanged glances and shook their heads in a most disapproving way.

Good lord, girl, I am not surprised, no not surprised at all, said a stern speaking Oprah.

Me neither, not surprised at all. You are sssoo lucky. the younger on chimed in.

Lucky? What do you mean? Lucky how?

Never mind, about that right now, finish with the story. What else do you remember about this morning.

This morning? I asked very perplexed. How can it still be Sunday? I was gone for days. I remember going to the front of the house and lying on a lounge chair so I could work on the laptop and still see K in her studio. I remember standing up , feeling tired, lying back down then waking up at Bettes place – you know the one — the one with all the lights — its so bright up there you really needed protective eyewear. And all the dead people stop in to visit, but only if they have an invitation. She is pretty picky about who gets to come in, you know, Bette that is. I was there visiting for days, I know I was. How can it still be Sunday?

AGAIN the two women exchanged glances shaking their heads, a look of sincere concern mirrored on both their faces.

What? I asked more confused than ever at the way they kept looking at me. What is it? Whats wrong?

Listen honey, the doctor is outside now talking with your girlfriend. Shell be in here in a minute to tell you all about what happened. But you had a heart attack and your woman there tried to save you before the paramedics arrived. Gave CPR a shot but was a little too frantic, I guess. Thats why you have a bruised lip and broken rib.

(AH HA – -AT LEAST SOMETHING WAS BEGINNING TO MAKE SENSE. MY LIP WAS KILLING ME AND MY BREATHING WAS PAINFUL THANKS TO THAT RIB THING. JESUS K, I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT BUT YOU REALLY DIDNT HAVE TO TRY TO KILL ME, I WAS ALMOST THERE, BABE !!)

You know what, I explained to the two women. Thats not the first time my wife has tried to kill me. She has saved me more times than I can remember, and I am so grateful for ALL her efforts both in sickness and in health.

The two women chuckled, a little embarrassed at my reference to K as my wife and my honesty about our love – love relationship.

Yea, I wouldnt know what I would do without her. I closed my eyes at that thought and took as deep a breath as I could thankful I would not have to find out the answer to that predicament – no – I had K and everything else would be alright.

And for someone who just got out of major surgery, yea thats right girlfriend, a double by-pass on the spot, we are amazed at how quickly you are recovering and speaking so clearly, the older nurse told me as she continued to detail my situation. And that woman of yours is not only devoted but smart as well. She had you taken here to COU /GEN knowing how ***** friendly we are – no problems with consent forms and all that bullshit.

Yea, you got lucky there, the younger one added. Had she taken you to Mercy she probably would not have been allowed to make decisions being she is not an immediate family member. Yep, you are lucky AND loved.

As the two women continue to speak, I turned my head to watch K, the doctor, and Richard outside the glass. I knew why I was recovering so quickly . . Bette had told me I had things to do, missions to go on, goals to accomplish. I had no time to be sick I needed to speak to K, to tell her what was going on, to let her know that everything was more than alright.

I watched as the doctor stroked Ks back in a most reassuring way, speaking close to her ear and smiling. K turned and hugged Richard standing on her tip toes,holding him tightly. Richard, too was smiling as all three of them turned toward the door of my room.

Good, said the older nurse. here comes Dr. Hartman now, very competent cardiac surgeon and your personal physician. She can explain everything. You done good, girl, real good so far. Bridget here and I are very happy for you.

She squeezed my hand and patted my forehead and I felt even better than before.

I couldnt the doctors face as she spoke with K in the hallway, but as the three of them entered the room, my attention turned from the tears of joy on Ks face to the super surgeon.

(HOLY *****)

OH MY GOD, I exclaimed. BETTE, what are YOU doing here?

Every single stinkin person in the room looked at me as if I were some kind of moron – a look with which I was quite familiar . . .



TBC . . . .