“I can’t go through a day doing what I do if I don’t see your face Carmen; don’t you get it… I need you…” She said to me. Seriously… I can’t top that. She walked away from and stopped again; just like what she did in our bedroom. She walked towards me again; she seems pissed off now.

“You know; before I met you Carmen…. I was so sure of my self; know exactly what the hell I’m doing… before I met you!” She pointed her finger at me. “I was… I was heartless…” She looked around; looking for something; for words.

“Heartless?” I quipped.

“That’s right…. heartless; I was a… heartless and cruel; jackass of a person… I didn’t care about other people… all I know was sniffing coke and fuck other girls….” She looks like she’s loosing it. She ran her hands through her mane again; and paced quickly in front of me. “I didn’t have any plans for my life… all I goddamn know is my family business! I don’t buy people Christmas presents… I don’t fucking cry! I don’t sympathize for other people misfortunes… But you… you…” She was wagging her finger at me. “You came into my life… and fucked it good…”

“What?!”

“You heard me…you… you changed me… I don’t want to be this person that I am now; honestly… it’s fucking scaring me… ” She said and stood in one spot. “God… if I could ever take back the day I met you; I would Carmen… you came along…” She stopped. “Now… I have all sorts of plans…”

All of this… its heart wrenching.

“I want the absolute best for you… I want to keep you safe; I know you hate what I do… trust me; you’re not the only one… but you; Jesus Christ… you’re the reason I’m still standing here… you make it worth while for me to get up in the morning and live my damned life…” She finished and didn’t look at me in the eyes; I went to her and took hold of her hands slowly.

She lifted to her head and we were eye to eye. “I don’t know what to say that…” I said the honest truth.