Tina Kennard

I am sitting in my room, thinking about everything that happened last night. When I came home, my mom saw immediately that something is wrong, but I don’t feel like telling her. I’m starting to get really sick of her and it makes me crazy that I can’t tell her.

For a few second, I have considered to just go away. As in running away. But what good would it be? I’d leave Gary and my friends behind just because I don’t feel ready for these feelings that I have for Bette. It’s not fair.

I go nuts because I can’t say that now I know if I want to be with Bette. It’d mean I’m gay, right? And I’m not. This encounter with Bette just made me doubt my feelings towards women more instead of giving me clarity. The thing is, they are stronger than before.

A knock on the door. I hesitate, then answer: “Yes?”

The door goes open and as I expected, it’s mom. She holds a mug of hot chocolate in her hands – I really don’t feel like it and I certainly don’t feel like the talk that comes along with it.

“Tell me what’s wrong, honey. I’m your mother, you can talk to me.”

She irritates me, but I play nice. She’s just trying to help after all. “I know, it’s just that I don’t want to talk about it. There’s not really anything to talk about.”

The last sentence is more a thought that I accidentally spoke out loud. After all, Bette is so angry with me and she has every right to. We have this mind-blowing sex and then I back off again.

“I’m sure there is, Tina, I wish you would confide in your mother.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, mom, I just… I need to be alone, okay?”

My mom sighed. “Alright. I’ll leave you to it, then. But you have to know that whenever you feel you need someone to share your burden with, my door is open.”

I smile weakly. “I know, mom. Thanks.”

She pats my back and leaves the room, accompanied by the mug of hot chocolate I am sure she will offer Kate now.