“Bloody fucking hell take a gander at the sex on legs!”

Ah, so Parker is defiantly home. What the hell is that girl yelling about this time? I shake my head just imaging what my roommate has found this time, that is until all my brain functions are halted by one of the most enjoyable laughs I’ve heard in a long time. ‘Oh gawd no’ is all I can think as I turn the corner and have my fears confirmed, she found my home movies and is currently ogling the love of my life. “What the hell? Where did you find those?” I start to freak out somewhat.

“Blimey don’t have an eppy ya’ cabbage.”

Okay I like have no fucking idea what my room mate just said to me and I think my face is probably showing that “Huh?”

“Oh right you don’t speak English. I said ‘Oh geez don’t have a fit’ then proceeded to call you slow. Gawd Ash, you should have picked up some sort of the language by now” She gives me an exasperated sigh before returning to her previous action of trying to bore holes through Spencer with her eyes. “So who the fuck is this nice piece of arse and when are you bringing her here for me to shag.” She waggles her eyebrows suggestively and I am reminded how much like me she really is.

“Never,” I begin growling “She is MINE”

“Oooooooohhhh…. so THAT’S the Spencer” she adds emphasize on ‘the’ and winks at me. “

“Yeah that’s her, but you still haven’t answered my question about how you got these videos.” I go over and turn off the T.V before ejecting the tape.

“They were lying on the floor in front of the telly. I figure you must ‘ave left em there last night when you got all juiced up.” She tilts her head a bit as a smug smirk crosses her lips and it’s then I can see her dimples shine through and I’m reminded how adorable my friend can be. I bet now you are thinking ‘What happened to becoming good enough for Spencer’ and I will tell you now there is absolutely NOTHING between Parker and me. The main reason being I’m in love with Spencer and the second, she is way too much like me. Anyways I suppose I should describe her just for you get why she is a total hottie. Okay so I want you to picture Sophia Bush, now change her hair color to black in a shoulder length razor cut and piercing ice blue eyes. Like I said total babe. If that isn’t enough add on some spider bites on the left side of her lower lip and some killer tattoo work on her shoulder blades of these like molting black angel wings. But enough about that, lets hop back on into our conversation because honestly if I half listen her “English” will confuse the fuck out of me.