Chapter twelve: Comin’ Home.

 “Love is not love which it alters, when altercation finds, when life gets hard or changes. True love remains the same.”

Spencer’s thoughts: Blue and Ashley’s thoughts: Green and songs are in italics

This year I wished for love; to amerce myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted but in way it feels like I’m losing it.  

I close my eyes and pray this isn’t happening. I lied to Ashley, I don’t understand, I can’t grasp the concept of her leaving.

“Spencer,” She stops before continuing. “Did you hear me?”  Her voice was frail and vulnerable. Yea I heard you, damn it I just want to pretend this fucking isn’t happening. I gave you my heart and this is how you repay me?

“Yea I heard, that’s,” I stop for second trying to find the courage to utter the next word. “Great.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow. That’s the only time I could fly out there.” My eyes finally met hers and I slowly started to crack; the tears streamed down my cheek.

“T-tomorrow?” I ask hoping she was lying.

“Yea, so today, can it just be us? No distractions, just you and me.”  

I nod. I can’t speak; I don’t know what will come out if I do. Her arms wrap around me, she is embracing me, saving me, and leaving me all at the same time.

“Where do you want to go?” My voice wavers. I need to be strong!

“Get dressed and I’ll take you.”  My heart is breaking. She’s trying to be strong, but I can see past the façade, she’s dying inside. Her eyes are the windows into her soul; they reveal more than she thinks.  I’m killing her; my actions, my choices are the ones breaking her and there’s nothing I can do about it.

 “Spencer come on it’s getting late.” Why isn’t she down here yet?

I ran upstairs something didn’t feel right. “Spencer,” I pause to find her. “Spencer!” I notice she’s in the corner peering out. The smeared mascara reveals traces of tears, her gaze never falters from the window.

“Spencer,” I try again this time I was right by her side. “I know you’re hurting and I promise we will get through this together. I want to show you something, so please let’s go.” My hand lingers out waiting for her to accept. Her staring ceased and she accepted my hand.