Retrace – (Chapter: Retrace)

Oh, how I’ve tried to get you out of my head.

And I lie broken in words I said.

Never thought I’d walk on this street again.

Standing where it all began.

She never imagined she’d be standing on that pier again in her life. The last time it had all seemed much simpler, they had been so much happier. Of course, as it always seemed to happen, she screwed it all up with a few misplaced words she didn’t mean. They had met there, by chance, both having just broken up with their significant others. There was an undeniable instantaneous attraction, like polar ends of a magnet.

Tried to forget when I left this town.

But it takes me right back when I come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that last summer night.

I’m there by your side.

Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.

Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

After the fallout, she ran far and fast; nowhere seemed far enough. London was too dreary, Tokyo too bright, Sydney to sunny. Everything reminded her of the girl she had left behind. When she eventually made her way back to LA, it was exactly the same as she had left if, but everything had changed. It all seemed colder and darker, the face that was her sunlight nowhere to be found. Not that she was particularly looking.

Oh, now I find, every subtle thing screams your name.

It reminds me of places and times we’ve shared.

Couldn’t live locked in these memories.

Now I’m chained to my thoughts again.

Everything opened a new gate to the memories she had long repressed. The light pink sheets in a hotel room, a flash of blonde hair, a musical laugh whose owner could never be identified; all served to send her right back to a moment or place that broke her a little more each time. She couldn’t go to beaches or amusement parks or ice cream shops, she could barely step out onto the street without feeling so selfishly bitter and self-loathing that she’d always end up back in her room with a bottle of whatever memory fading liquor she had. On the outside, she was just another up and coming rock star. On the inside, she was bound by her actions and struggling to even take the next breath.

And I tried to forget you when I left this town.

But it takes me right back when I come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that last summer night.

I’m there by your side.

Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.

Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

The night before she snapped for all the wrong reasons at the last person she should have, they walked this very same beach holding hands and eventually laying down in the sand to gaze at the stars. It was one of the other girl’s favorite things to do. Summer was waning, her girl was going off to college and she herself was still unsure of her future. She was so afraid of losing her, of watching her drift off that she foolishly decided to cut the strings and push her away.

I need some shelter. I need some safety.

Photographs, they haunt me lately.

Chasing shadows as the evening takes me.

I’m still searching, but the pictures fading.

Six months of pointless wandering and trying to find any girl to replace the one she abandoned left the brunette a rehab bound mess, and if it hadn’t been for a savior of sorts, she would surely have ended up there. She’d spend hours nursing bottle after bottle and gazing upon smiling faces that had long ago lost their luster. Lost in a dark room full of shadows of her past, she still looked for anything to ease the pain. She was such a fool.

And I tried to forget you when I left this town.

But it takes me right back when I come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that last summer night.

I’m there by your side.

Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.

Counting backwards. Still counting backwards.

Yet here she was, right back where her life both began and ended. Her heart was pounding with regret as she watched the waves wash in and out. Never in a million years would she ever have thought that the cold and callous girl she’d been would ever feel remorse over breaking someone else’s heart. If only she had known she was really going to break her own in the same process.

And nowhere else has ever felt like home.

And I can’t fall asleep when I’m lying here alone.

I replay your voice, it’s like you’re here.

You move the earth, but now the sky is falling.

So in a last ditch effort to heal herself, she returned home. At first it was worse, until she realized she couldn’t just sit around and expect the pieces to put themselves back together. She missed falling asleep in someone else’s arms without pretenses or expectations. All she wanted was to speak to her blue-eyed angel again. Even if she was yelling.

And I tried to forget you when I left this town.

But it takes me right back when I come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that last summer night.

I’m there by your side.

Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.

Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

She took out her phone, dialing the all too familiar number and listened to it ring.

“Hello?” oh how wonderful her voice sounded. Better than the message she had replayed over and over in her drunken emotional self mutilation.

“Spencer. It’s Ashley. I just . . .” her voice broke in fear and regret, choked with emotion, “I really need to talk to you.”

Fan Fiction

This story has been set to a rating of . Age verification is required to proceed.

Age Verification

Retrace – (Chapter: Retrace)

Related

Comments

Leave a Reply Cancel reply