Chapter 5 (Part I)– The Little Voice

I had been staring at the ceiling for so long that I would swear that there were holes forming. My body remained perfectly still and unmoving as I lay there on my back with my arms folded across my stomach. I could feel myself taking on a statue like form. My mind, contrary to my physical self, buzzed so much with life that it was as if a rave was taking place on the inside of my skull.

There were no more tears, but in their place came the deluge of thoughts that I knew were coming. The ones I’d been fighting for so long. I knew that I needed a long time to think – all of tonight at the very least. An entire night, devoted the uninterrupted thoughts I would allow to take hold of me.

My peripheral vision caught the red numbers on the clock, reading 6:03 pm. 6:03, and the night to myself. One part of me felt overjoyed to have so much time for just me, but another part feared the damage my uncensored mind might do to me.

There was suddenly a knock at the door. “Come in” I said softly, praying that this did not foreshadow what was supposed to be tonight’s solitude.

“Hey, Spence. Feeling any better?” My dad asked concernedly. The corners of his cyan eyes wrinkled in that way that made him look all the more compassionate.

“A little, thanks.” I said quietly, trying ever so slightly to make myself sound sick. I had to play the part, didn’t I? “I think I just need a night of rest, I’m just exhausted” I finished to my dad, who nodded slowly, understandingly.

“I bet Avery was bummed out that you didn’t feel well, huh? I haven’t seen you without her in a while” My dad laughed, not even faintly knowing how much his words pertained to my “illness”.

“Yeah, she was bummed, but she understood. Plus, more time with her family wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. We’ll see each other at school tomorrow” I finished, reflecting on our phone conversation. Avery couldn’t understand why the teacher would just let me out of detention, but I avoided answering and she eventually dropped it. I could hear the concern in her voice when I told her that I didn’t feel well. I didn’t feel good about lying to her, but hopefully I’d be saving her feelings a little.