So many things exist in my silence. The words were never right so speaking them just didn’t seem to matter. I have never felt more alone. I feel the walls closing in and the oxygen leave the room trying to drown me in my own self-doubt. So I sit here reflecting on what went wrong. I know that we were both lost and its true that in order for 2 halves to become one whole each half has to be whole on its own. I was not whole and if I am honest with myself I wasn’t even half of a half I was broken. I forgot how to love and I thought I would never remember. In pain and weakness is where I find my strength and the realization that I love stronger because of my hate. My love exist so deep inside me that no one can take it away from me.

I want to feel again, to take the risk to be someone’s everything and this is just me everything that I am naked, cold, and vulnerable. I don’t know what is good enough or what is expected of me because I have never opened myself for the hurt and anguish that I am sure will come. I refuse to fall into the dark any longer, and I would rather feel pain than nothing at all. Maybe I had to empty myself completely to fill myself up with something pure and wonderful or maybe I will be so full of hate when this is over that the darkness will swallow me whole. I think only God knows the answer to that question. My heart is true and I will not run away from it any longer I will take the cuts and bear them proud as they flay at my soul. This is my truth, it is a hard truth to face and I fear it dearly this is why I have carried it so deep inside me for so long but to say it was killing me would be a grave understatement. My truth the word is like acid to me and the tunnels of my world are hidden in shrouds of horror my body will go to but my heart runs away from. No more will I disappear into the night, no more will I cry to myself to sleep.