My mind was blank, though pounding rapidly; I flutter my eyes open as they adjust to the sunlight beaming through the window blinds. I rub my eyes as I inhale deeply, exhaling slowly through my nose and I intensely stretch out my arms and legs.

I end the morning habitual and lay still as my eyes alter completely to the morning, relaxing my muscles and now focusing on all my thoughts and dreams I had during the night. Was it a dream? Did it really happen? Only thing I knew for sure was that every effect between our relationship was my fault, even if someone were to tell me otherwise, I blame myself.  

I sat up and slowly slid my sore legs off the side of my bed. I turn my attention to the once presentable dress, now a ratty material on the floor covered in red stains and my face fell into my hands, along with my heart, crying and realizing all the dreams I had weren’t dreams at all, just remembrance of the terrible event that took over the one night that was suppose to be special.  

My sobbing calmed as I grasped the fact that I shouldn’t be at home crying. I need to be with the one I love. The one I put all this crap through. The one that deserves better. The one who practically gave up everything for me and in return I broke her heart. I stood up quickly making my way to the bathroom sink and splashing water repeatedly on my face, hoping to cleanse all the wrong I had done. I stared at the water dripping off my hands, raising my eyes slowly making contact with the puffy red ones in the mirror. I glare at this horrible person, never blinking or taking my eyes off of her, as recollections of the night, fill my head.

‘You already had you’re chance with Ashley!’

‘It doesn’t work that way, alright…you can’t just cut off who you love…’

‘You love…?’

I shut my eyes, keeping them tight, hoping it would all just disappear.

‘Oh…please don’t do this…’

‘GUN!’

The last of it echoes in my head.