If We Could….

And that was that…people walk out of our lives everyday, whether we have a connection with them or not. Having a connection with someone allows us to feel loss or sorrow when they leave, and it allows us to sometimes feel regret. However, you can meet someone at star bucks in the morning, and never see them again, and rarely does it affect us…but Spencer, well, Spencer wasn’t some random person I met at Starbucks…she will always mean so much more…

“so…is that you’re second pint?” Kyla asked walking into my room

“huh?”

“ben and Jerry…is that the second or the third…” she said walking over to my bed

“I’m not wallowing…” I told her

“bull shit you’re not…” she said “…you’re thinking about Spencer…”

“yeah, so what if I am?”

“well if you are…then why’d you let her go?” she asked

“because if I’m with her I want it to be real…I don’t want to have to share her with anyone…” I told her “…and Becca, Becca’s a bitch…” I added

“no, she’s really not…and Spencer was telling you she needed you…”

“and she still has me…but not like that…”

“yes she does…” she said getting up

“what?”

“Ashley you love her…that’s not something that you can bury in your empty ice cream carton…it’s still there…even if you don’t want to believe it…” she said then she walked away and I fell back onto my bed

“hey you…” Becca said answering her front door to find Spencer standing there

“uh…hey…”

“are you ok?” Becca asked

“uh yeah…” Spencer said “…actually…I’m not…I’m not ok…”

“well then…what’s wrong?”

“I lied…to you.” She started “…I would love to be with you Becca, but…but I just can’t. you know me on that level, you do, but Ashley…”

“Ashley…” Becca said her name as if it were some deadly disease

“yes Ashley…ashley knows me on a level beyond that…and I know I lied, and I know what I’ve been doing to you the past 48 hours has been terrible, but, last night she told me she loved me…and no I didn’t sleep with her, well I did, but not like that…and knowing she feels that way about me makes me not be able to stay away…”