Like a flood of water, the memories rushed back in. 

 Her first day at King High. A spilled coffee. A light touch of questionable innocence on the hand.  Confessions on a beach.  Almost first kisses and real first kisses. Falling in love. Coming out. Running away. Prom.

…Prom. Screaming in frustration, Spencer tried to keep at least that memory from returning.  Unsuccessfully scaring away the recollection with her tantrum, she succombed to the inevitable pain of reliving that part of her life — a part of her life she’d spent years blocking out. A part of her life when she lost the only brother who’d ever accepted her for who she was and who’d been there for her when she was hurting. Clay. Oh god, Clay.

The tears began to fall even harder.  If it hadn’t been for Ashley, he’d still be alive.  If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have spent the past ten years with only one brother. If it wasn’t for her…no, no no. Spencer stopped herself from thinking this way.  Having already spent five years of her life blaming the older girl for everything bad that happened that night, she wasn’t about to go back to putting all of the guilt on Ashley’s head. 

Calming herself down, she settled back against the door, head in hands and with eyes closed. 

 The car drove by, and gun shots rang out.  One, two, three. One, two, three. The bullets spat out of the weapons in spurts, knocking down bodies with each pull of the trigger.  One, two, three.  Two to the chest, one to the side of the head — she watched in horror as Clay fell to the ground.

She remembered seeing things spinning.  Though she never understood why her vision became distorted at exactly that point in time, she liked to think it gave her experience a more dramatic experience.

Turning to cling to Ashley, already having half-forgiven her for her momentary lapse in judgment, she saw a whirling view of Ashley and Aiden going down to the ground together.  Together…something inside of her broke.  Ashley was collapsing to the ground, arms around a lifeless Aiden. Arms around him. 

Dropping to her knees, giving up, she began to cry.  Tears streaming for Clay, and tears streaming for Ashley.  The image of Ashley holding Aiden, and not her, running through her mind.  "I’m here too! I’M HERE TOO!" All Ashley could do was watch her helplessly from under Aiden’s form.