Already Gone Chap.1

Isn’t it a shame how just when everything in your life seems like its piecing back together, just one thing from the past resurfaces and your world is turned upside down. Well, that exact thing happened to me…I have a past with relationships, just like everyone else does; I love them then leave them. Actually, I don’t know if I could even call it love, it’s more like I have affection and intense feeling for them. I have no conscience…I make mistakes, but I block out all feeling so I never feel the backlash that makes people change.

My first boyfriend was in 6^th grade…it lasted a solid two weeks, which was a long time when you’re so young. Boyfriends came and went like a common cold…some of them weren’t even exclusive relationships; a lot of them were just my “hit and runs”. However, after going through high school, I’m sitting here in my senior year and I wish I could go back and find out what the one feeling of true love feels like. I wish I could go back and find out what it’s like to actually be happy.

Remember when people used to say “the past is the past”? I guess I could never fully grasp that concept, because my past haunts me every single day. I have a future at this point…I’m accepted to college, I’m in my “senior slide” and I just want to have fun with the people who care about me.

“helloooo earth to Ashley…” I heard while sitting on the back porch at a party with some of my closest friends

“huh?” I replied dumbfounded

“what’s going on? You seem a little…I don’t know, not here” Jessica replied

“no I’m here…I was just thinking, I mean it’s weird, this is some of the last time we’ll have together” I told her

“yeah I know…I’ve been thinking about that a lot too” she told me

“like next year…” I started “…I’m not going to have anyone. I’ll be so far from everyone I care about and I’m just worried that I’m going to regret so much and realize that I haven’t been appreciating anyone who cares about me.”

“oh come on Ash…you care about the people who are close to you, especially when it comes to your parents, you may fight with them, but it’s obvious that you love them…I’m going through the same thing with my mom…but my dad, not so much” she confessed